Noah, the Schemer
by Stupidity Vaccine
Summary: A slight schism in the World Tour timeline. In his last few minutes on the show, Noah manages to find the inspiration to take action and escape elimination. What will happen with Noah at the helm of Team Chris? How will the season progress? Could anything else happen? And how long can the lazy bookworm escape misfortune?
1. Noah, the Schemer (I See London)

**This was going to be a one-shot, but I decided to see it out as a full story, just for the fun of it. Basically, it's "Total Drama World Tour," but this story diverts around the London challenge.**

 **Noah became my favorite character and I was sad to see him go in London, but I realized that it was his time to go, for his character and the story's sake. Trust me, I'm not trying to write this to be like "this is how it SHOULD have happened!" I'm just writing this because I thought it would be a fun idea. Nothing against my Alejandro fans out there!**

 **Without further ado, here is "Noah, the Schemer."**

Noah sipped a paper cup of water in the mess hall of the plane. From where he sat he could hear Courtney reprimanding Duncan, her boyfriend - or was it ex-boyfriend? Who could remember at this point? - for quitting the competition. He sighed as he realized his fate was probably still sealed.

" _Like an eel dipped in grease," Alejandro hissed at Noah, his eyes filled with pure contempt._

 _Noah giggled nervously, something he only did when he was truly afraid. "Um, well, where I'm from, that's a compliment! Tough neighborhood!" he lied terribly. Alejandro rolled his eyes, it was clear he didn't buy it._

"Voting will take place after I do a little freshening up," Chris interrupted Noah's thoughts as he walked through the common area. "I have to take a shower first, I smell . . . _British!_ Ech!"

"The cameras are rolling," an intern reminded Chris from offscreen.

"Crap," Chris winced. "Editing team, do some damage control on that. Team Chris, you've got fifteen minutes until voting."

"That's just enough time for a potty break!" the only other person in the common area, Owen, exclaimed, running to the confessional.

On the other team, Gwen and Courtney giggled happily as though they were besties. Sierra hugged a flailing Cody with the happy realization that the team would not have to send anyone home. And, as Noah had previously noted, Heather gave Alejandro a smirk.

 _Must feel pretty great to be on Team Amazon right now,_ Noah thought. The team seemed unstoppable now - between Gwen, Courtney, Cody, and Sierra, it seemed like a tight-knit friendship team that could make it to the end. Heather was probably screwed next time her team was up for elimination, so why did she look so pleased with herself?

 _Knowing Heather, she's probably got something up her sleeve,_ Noah thought to himself, rolling his eyes.

As he looked up, he watched Alejandro take Duncan aside, happily telling him something as the two walked into the other room. Tyler continued to glare at Noah as he followed the two of them. There was no doubt about it, Noah's fate was sealed.

In his last few minutes in the competition, the bookworm decided to take a short walk up the flying death machine Chris somehow convinced everyone to call a plane. He decided to pass on heading into economy class, where he would not have been in good company. As he made his way to first class, Owen emerged from the confessional, gasping for breath.

Noah only had to take a quick whiff of the air near his large friend to understand why Owen was struggling for breath. "Too much even for you, huh, Owen?" Noah smirked.

Owen laughed. "Oh, haha, yeah! The British feast is on its way out!"

"TMI, dude . . . wait, when did you have time to eat a feast?"

"On the way to the double decker bus," Owen shrugged. He then looked back and forth, nervously. "Who are you going to vote for tonight, by the way?"

"Alejandro," Noah replied immediately, with a sad look in his eyes. "I don't think he bought my lie that calling him an 'eel' was a compliment."

"That was a lie?" Owen asked with genuine shock.

Noah couldn't help but chuckle at his gullible friend's stalwart trust in him. "Yeah, Owen. I said that out of panic."

"Oh, gotcha," Owen said. His mind appeared to be racing as his voice turned to a whisper. "Listen, Noah, I . . . I'm gonna vote for Al tonight too, okay? Just don't tell him I said that."

Noah's eyes widened slightly. Owen had been looking up to Alejandro - or, as he playfully referred to him, "Al" - since Egypt. This vote meant that Owen trusted his new friend Noah more than his new friend Alejandro (Owen and Noah hadn't really spoken much on the island during the first season), and it meant the world to Noah.

Obviously, though, he didn't show it. "Thanks a lot, big guy," he said in his typical lukewarm voice, giving Owen a small smile.

Owen smiled brightly. "No problem, little buddy!" He pulled Noah into a bear hug, before his stomach rumbled. "Oh no, the cavalry's arrived!"

With this, Owen ran back into the confessional, leaving Noah to resume his walk towards first class

 _Owen's vote is great, but it is pretty predictable, in retrospect. Besides, it's the only vote I can hope to get, seeing as Alejandro is getting Duncan and Tyler against me right now._

"Um, Noah?"

Noah was pulled from his thoughts by the confused faces of Team Amazon, and the confused voice of Gwen.

"What are you doing here?" Courtney glared, finishing her new bestie's thoughts. "Winners only! Go back to loser class!"

"Maybe we should take pity on him," Heather grinned. "This is the last time he'll ever see first class after he's eliminated tonight."

"Knock it off, Heather," Gwen rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the defense, Gwen, but I'm just passing through," Noah said quickly, staring his traditional deadpan at Heather. "Hopefully this will not be a problem to the doting Mrs. Alejandro."

This set Team Amazon into a fit of chuckles, with the exception of Heather, who scoffed. "One of us is sleeping in luxury tonight and the other is jumping out of a plane, so say whatever you want."

Noah was out of first class by this point, but Heather's comment had hit its mark. _I wish it didn't have to be this way._

As he approached the door to Chris' decked out man cave, he quieted down to hear the host performing an interesting rendition of a popular Celine Dion song to what he must have thought was no audience.

 _I really don't want that to be the last thing I hear on this show,_ Noah thought, stopping short of entering the host's quarters. A nearby door caught his eye as he hesitated, a door with the word "FILING" written in sharpie above the doorway.

 _How professional,_ Noah quipped to himself. But investigating a mysterious door beat talking to the slippery Alejandro, sitting outside of the confessional wallowing in self-pity and Owen's fumes, or becoming the audience to Chris' short-lived concert.

He opened the door, which proved to be unlocked, and flicked a light switch. In front of him sat a table, a few filing cabinets, and a framed picture of Chris on the wall. This fairly simply layout was made much messier by the stacks and stacks of files and papers all over the table and filing cabinets.

 _These must be the papers they take out for the hundreds and hundreds of lawsuits,_ he chuckled to himself. Glancing at some of the papers and their complicated legal jargon proved him mostly right on this, but there were other papers scattered throughout, including promotional images, posters, and website prints for all three seasons of "Total Drama."

 _Might as well do a little light reading before my elimination, served me well first season,_ Noah thought, checking some of these papers out. The website prints informed viewers of the contestants' personalities - Noah grimaced at his description as an "adorkably sarcastic bookworm" - and it became clear that these had been written by a very familiar blogger - Cody's description was filled to the brim with words like "cute," "underrated," "mysterious," and flat-out "hunky."

Putting these aside, Noah came upon the original poster for the first season. Noah recalled seeing it in marketing all over the place after his time on that awful island. Still, he couldn't help but sigh at this simpler time.

The poster even included the original "labels" that the producers had gifted the contestants. Noah smirked at Tyler's label "the Jock that Sucks at Sports," nodded wide-eyed at Izzy's label "The Psycho Hose Beast," and rolled his eyes with a smile at Owen's label "The Crazy Party Guy."

His eyes eventually came upon the smiling picture of himself, with two words above it.

"The Schemer."

A schemer? Is that what they really thought of him? Sure, during his short time on the island, he had been thinking a whole lot of nasty comments behind his fellow competitors' backs, but he never actually planned anything against any of them. He hadn't thought he'd have it in him.

Perhaps Noah, as a bitingly sarcastic teenager who didn't talk to anyone with the exception of rude and sarcastic comments and whose head always seemed to be in a book, had put on the appearance of some scheming brainiac who was plotting to take down the competition one by one.

But that couldn't be further from the truth. Noah was simply lazy, always had been. That's why he joined the show in the first place; sure, a smart guy like him could work his way towards a million dollars with a real job, but that was so much more work than hanging out in some game show for a few weeks and outlasting everyone else. Noah never liked to reveal his feelings or flaws, but privately he realized his lack of work ethic was a deep problem.

 _The Schemer._ The words couldn't leave Noah's head. Heather was a schemer. Justin was a schemer, or at least he tried to be when his efforts to trick Beth and Lindsay weren't constantly failing. Alejandro, major schemer. But Noah? He couldn't see it.

Although . . .

Noah wasn't a natural schemer, but perhaps he could take a note from the producers and act the part, just this once, to save himself from elimination. Scheme just once, screw over someone else just this once, and live to fight another day.

It's how Heather made it so far in season one, wasn't it? And it's how Alejandro played the competition, decimating Team Victory. Noah had watched that happen, Harold followed by Bridgette, Leshawna, and DJ, almost a whole team ruined by Alejandro.

Alejandro.

Noah could try this trick against Alejandro. And the best part is, judging from his little smirk with Heather earlier, he wouldn't even see it coming.

Noah racked his big head for a plan, and fortunately one came to him. He practically sprinted out of the office, towards first class.

Chris stuck a shy head out of his doorway, wearing nothing but a shower cap and a towel around his waist. "Could have sworn I heard someone . . . phew."

Noah attempted to hide his look of determination as he passed through victory class. Fortunately for him, his look of determination looked a lot like his usual bored demeanor, but with a small smile where his small frown usually was.

"Someone's looking chipper," Heather quipped. "Form an alliance with Chris in a last ditch effort to save your skin?"

"Didn't need to, I'm confident in myself," Noah smirked. "But while we're talking about skin, I just love the bumpy, gravelly texture you're going for."

This set off another bout of chuckles from the rest of Team Amazon as Noah strode out of victory class, a man on a mission. Heather glared at him as he left, rubbing her face self-consciously.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"That little twerp is up to something," Heather grumbled. "Dare I say he's actually playing the game? Only took him three seasons. Welcome to the show, Noah."

She paused a moment, before rubbing her face again. "I've been using ointment, it can't be _that_ gravelly!" she hissed, with a pinch of worry in her voice.

Noah peered through the doorway to see Alejandro locked in a discussion with Duncan. Tyler sat behind him, staring boredly out the window.

"When do you guys think the elimination is gonna start?" Tyler asked.

"Probably after Chris is done with his little shower," Duncan replied quickly.

Alejandro raised an eyebrow. "How do you know Chris is taking a shower?" he asked the delinquent, genuinely curious.

"Because while he was getting ready, I emptied out the conditioner from a bottle and replaced it with mayonnaise. Revenge for bringing me back to this stupid show," Duncan revealed. Alejandro and Tyler laughed at the thought of their torturous host bathing in mayonnaise.

"Be right back, guys," Tyler stood up, "gonna go to the confessional for a sec."

"Sure thing, Tyler," Duncan waved him off, clearly not caring in the slightest.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I can't believe my team actually has to vote someone off," Tyler sighed, before turning serious. "Luckily, I already know I'm voting off Noah. He left me behind at the rack without a second thought, and sure, he remembered later, but, man, I live by the key philosophy of 'never leave a man behind,' and that little string bean disobeyed."

Tyler stepped out of the confessional and was met face-to-face with Noah.

"Hey, Tyler," Noah tried his best at a comforting smile.

Whatever he achieved, it gave Tyler a look of fear. "Uh, hey, Noah. What's up?"

Noah swallowed his pride as he pulled Tyler into the confessional, closed the door, and spoon-fed him an extremely passionate lie. "I actually don't have a lot of time, since he might hear us, but I have been waiting for a super long time to give you this information. The truth is, in the France challenge, I saw Alejandro purposefully hide one of Team Victory's statue pieces."

"That's bad sportsmanship," Tyler frowned. "Why?"

"Well, I think I know why, but you won't like it," Noah cringed, careful to keep his voice down. "You see, he wanted Team Victory to be a team of one, so that he could invite DJ to join our team, the Guys Team."

"We are the Guys Team," Tyler nodded. "Well, I guess with the exception of Izzy, but she's gone now."

Noah had prepared to deal with Tyler's moderate stupidity, and politely interrupted. "What I'm saying is, Alejandro made Team Victory lose so that DJ could be on a team by himself," Noah said, completely aware of the fact that this had never happened and would have made no sense, since DJ wanted to vote himself off.

"Yeah?" Tyler asked, still not understanding where Noah was going with this.

Noah had to go in for the kill with the simplest possible terms.

"Alejandro caused Lindsay's elimination."

Tyler processed this information, his face contorting with shock and rage. "He WHAT?!"

In economy class, Alejandro struggled to make small talk with Duncan, who was busy carving a skull into the wall.

Finally, the true schemer realized that Tyler being gone was not ideal, as he needed his vote. "I wonder where the rest of our team is hiding. I'd better go search for them."

"You do that," Duncan said, standing up as well. "I've got someone in first class I've been meaning to see."

The two Team Chris members walked out of economy class, Duncan passing the confessional and walking into the first class, and Alejandro pausing, looking around.

Owen walked by, waving at the master manipulator with a strange sort of hesitation. "Oh, hi, Al. Heh, what're you up to?"

"Looking for you, Owen," Alejandro smiled. "Where have you been?"

"Well, first I was making a deposit," Owen chuckled awkwardly as he gestured towards the confessional, "and then I went and enjoyed some gruel in the cafeteria. Chef makes a mean gruel, let me tell ya."

Alejandro swallowed some bile in the back of his throat; he had a rather weak stomach and had always found both Chef's cooking and Owen rather disgusting. "That's great. Can I have a moment of your time to talk strategy? I just spoke with Duncan, and he agrees that -"

"No offense, Al, but can it wait?" Owen's stomach grumbled ominously. "I think that gruel is just about finished with me."

"He WHAT?!"

Tyler's voice rang out from the confessional, to the confusion of both Owen and Alejandro. The latter opened the door to find Tyler, red in the face, and Noah, desperately holding the jock's mouth shut.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"This is not going to do anything for the theories that I'm gay," Noah sighed.

Before any of the four boys could say anything, Chris walked into the room, an impatient Duncan in tow.

"Who's ready for elimination?" Chris smiled.

"Ooo, what smells like mayonnaise?" Owen sniffed happily.

The five members of the unfortunately named Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot sat at a set of bleachers, Alejandro, Tyler, and Duncan on the top row, and Owen and Noah on the bottom. Owen looked nervous, Alejandro looked confident, Duncan looked bored, Tyler looked angry, and Noah looked completely neutral, holding a poker face as he watched Chris.

"These are certainly some interesting votes," Chris finally said as he looked at five stamped passports. "Wow. Absolutely crazy. Ho boy."

"Can we just get on with this stupid thing?" Duncan retorted.

"Fine," Chris sighed. "Owen, for saving the day and pretty much winning the challenge, before I decided you guys actually lost, you received no votes."

"Thanks for that, by the way," Noah deadpanned.

"You're welcome!" Chris grinned, ignoring the sarcasm. "Duncan, you're brand new, so you're also at zilch. And Tyler, you did the first two challenges for your team, so you're also good with no votes against you."

Three soggy bags of airline peanuts were thrown at Owen, Duncan, and Tyler. Owen ate his quickly, while Duncan looked at his with disgust and Tyler continued to stare straight ahead, with rage.

"We're down to Alejandro and Noah," Chris smirked, knowing full well who it was but refusing to let anyone else know yet. "Alejandro, you were completely useless to your team today. Noah, I think maybe you said some stuff you shouldn't have."

"Let us just get on with the votes," Alejandro chuckled, turning to Tyler confidently only to have Tyler fiercely glare back. Alejandro had not been expecting this reaction, and turned back to Chris with a much less sure expression on his face.

"And, with three votes against him, tonight's victim will be . . ."

Chris held up a parachute pack, looking from a worried Alejandro to a steadily more confident Noah.

". . . Alejandro!"

"¿Qué?" Alejandro stood up in shock. "A-Are you sure? Were the votes rigged?"

"Usually I don't care if the votes were rigged or not," Chris shrugged. "But I can confirm that there is no footage of any rigging, so I'm pretty sure you were voted off by your own terribleness."

Alejandro looked at his teammates. Owen looked slightly sad to see him go, as he waved goodbye. Duncan looked as though he could not have cared less whether Alejandro or Noah had gone home. Peculiarly, Tyler had a huge grin on his face, while Noah sat, arms crossed, with his own grin.

"You," Alejandro said, marching towards the bookworm. "How could . . . how did you . . . how could I . . ."

"I guess I felt like being a schemer today," Noah shrugged.

"You?!" Alejandro laughed maniacally. "You are not a schemer. _I_ am a schemer!"

"I wouldn't call you a 'schemer,'" Noah replied. "I'd call you an 'eel.'"

Without warning, Tyler stood up, shoving Alejandro out of the plane. "THAT WAS FOR LINDSAY!" he shouted.

Alejandro screamed as he plummeted down to the unforgiving earth. Meanwhile, Chris eyed a nearby parachute pack. "Now, was that the parachute pack I gave him? Or is this an extra lying around for the next elimination? Hmmmmmmmm . . . I don't remember, and I don't really care!"

With this, the host left the room. Tyler stopped seeing red and departed to economy class. Duncan playfully slapped Owen and Noah on the backs. "Fellas, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship," he cackled as he, too, headed out of the elimination room.

This left Owen and Noah in the room.

"Well, Al's gone, little buddy! And as much as I'm going to miss him, at least we get to stay to fight another day!" Owen said, smiling.

"Owen," Noah said, in a grave tone.

"Yeah?"

"What I'm about to do right now - you tell no one. Ever. Okay?"

"Uh, o-okay," Owen said, wincing in anticipation.

Unexpectedly, Noah attempted to wrap his skinny arms around Owen as he went in for a hug. Owen, much more knowledgeable of hugs than Noah, reciprocated the hug almost immediately.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I don't know how I did that," Noah said, breathing a sigh of relief. "I figured I was a goner for sure, but I just knocked the biggest threat out of the competition and lived to tell the tale!"

He sighed. "Lying and manipulating doesn't feel great, of course, but to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if Alejandro actually did have some motive to get rid of Lindsay. I'm not sure, but all I know is that he's gone and I couldn't be happier."

Noah stepped out of the confessional as Gwen prepared to step in. "Noah?"

"Gwen."

"You're still -"

"Yes, I'm still here," Noah rolled his eyes. "Alejandro got the boot."

Gwen gasped. "No way, seriously? Good riddance, if you ask me. I never trusted that guy."

"Preacher, meet the choir," Noah smirked as he walked down the hall to economy class, and as Gwen shut the door behind her.

As he entered economy class, he looked upon Owen, Tyler, and Duncan. It seemed as though Tyler's anger had left the plane with Alejandro, and now he simply sat with a sad look on his face.

"I miss Lindsay," the jock sighed. "She didn't have to go."

"I know how you feel, it's okay," Owen patted Tyler on the back. "I miss my Izzy too. Why'd I ever let you go, Izzy?"

Noah felt a pang of guilt watching Tyler's misery, but as he entered the room, Duncan stood up.

"I heard Gwen's voice out there, is she with you?" he asked Noah, with what almost seemed like suspicion in his voice.

"She's in the confessional," Noah said.

"Gotcha," Duncan walked out of the room. "Like I said, I've got some catching up to do."

"Uh, okay," the bookworm raised an eyebrow at the delinquent but didn't question his behavior. He sat down across from Owen and Tyler, struggling to find words of compassion to the sad jock.

A few awkward seconds went by before Tyler stood up. "I'm gonna go get some water or something."

"Have fun with that, buddy," Noah said, attempting genuine kindness. Tyler and Owen looked at Noah as though he had three heads.

 _Why do I even try sometimes?_ Noah rolled his eyes.

==CONFESSIONAL==

As Gwen and Duncan "caught up," Tyler peeked his head in, having overheard the strange noises that sounded suspiciously similar to locking lips. His suspicions were validated, and he stared at the couple with shock, before slinking back out.

In the cockpit, Chris watched the scene unfold via a monitor. "Whoa! Now _that_ is how you get some drama started! Wait until Courtney hears about this one! Will Tyler tell all? And who's gonna fall? Find out next time on Total! Drama! World Tour!"


	2. Greece's Pieces

**To all of the reviewers out there, I can't thank you enough for your kind words! And to all who favorited and followed, I really appreciate it!**

 **Here's the second chapter of "Noah, the Schemer," where the small changes between this universe and the actual "World Tour" universe will become a bit more frequent.**

" _And, with three votes against him - Noah!" Chris read the votes rather unceremoniously, as the team had seen this coming. In spite of this, Owen and Noah still appeared shocked. "It's time for you to say tally-ho, pip pip! Cheerio! Toodle-oo!"_

" _If I jump, will you stop?" Noah huffed. He was already crushed by his elimination, and Chris' obnoxiousness was only making him more annoyed._

" _Goodbye, buddy!" Owen cried dramatically. "I'll win for you!"_

" _Whatever," Noah sighed, standing up and accepting the parachute pack from the host. "Just beware of eels . . ."_

 _He turned to see Alejandro, but where the manipulator had been sitting was now an empty seat. Owen, Tyler, Duncan, and even Chris seemed to have blank expressions on their face._

 _Suddenly, Noah was pushed out of the plane by a massive, squirming mass of eels, seeping in from every corner of the room. Noah screamed as he fell, watching for the ground below - but it never came._

 _Instead, an absolutely immense Owen (more immense than usual, that is) sat where the ground was supposed to be._

" _LITTLE BUDDY!" he shouted, in a demonic voice. "LITTLE BUDDY!"_

"LITTLE BUDDY!"

"AHHHHH!" Noah shrieked, sitting up. He was immediately met by Duncan, who was standing in front of him, clutching his sides in laughter.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"In the few hours he's been here, Duncan's taken to calling me 'little buddy' in some sort of parody of Owen's nickname for me," Noah explained in his typical deadpan. "But to tell you the truth, I'm glad he woke me. I think my mind is still on the defensive mode from dealing with Alejandro."

"Ah, I'm just messin' with you, man," Duncan punched Noah in the shoulder, before taking a seat next to him. Across from the two sat Owen, who was soundly asleep, and Tyler, who yawned as he awoke.

"So this is Team Chris is Really Really Really Hot, huh?" Duncan laughed as he said the team's name. "Apart from the obvious lie of a name, we got a pretty good thing going in here. No whiny chicks, am I right?"

"Hear, hear," Noah rolled his eyes.

Now that Tyler was fully awake, he looked at Duncan with discomfort. This look did not go unnoticed.

"Am I offending you, Tyler?" Duncan said angrily, almost as though he knew what was making the jock uncomfortable. "You're welcome to go hang with the chicks if you want."

"Uh . . . n-no, that's okay, it's . . . I like it here," Tyler smiled awkwardly. "I like chicks, and all, though. I like kissing them . . . I, um, I mean . . ."

"You know what? Maybe you should go back to sleep," Duncan suggested bluntly.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"What's their deal?" Noah asked.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Oh, gosh, why did I have to look into that confessional?" Tyler clutched his face in agony. "What's that saying? Ignorance is a miss? Whatever, I wish I didn't look!"

==CONFESSIONAL==

"If Tyler really thinks I didn't see him out of the corner of my eye last night, then he better not be stupid enough to think I didn't hear his big, loud court sneakers as he ran away," Duncan rolled his eyes. "If the jock's got even _one_ brain cell, he'll keep his trap shut."

Team Amazon was also beginning to awaken after a nice night's sleep in victory class.

Cody's eyes slowly crept open to find the expectant sight of Sierra in front of him, smiling widely.

"Hello, sleeping beauty!" Sierra whispered. "Have a good night's sleep?"

Cody sighed. "Yeah, it was . . . great."

Sierra squealed. "I'm so glad to hear that!"

Cody groaned as he looked up to see Gwen, Courtney, and Heather snickering at him.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Look, the Codemeister is a _major_ ladykiller," Cody pointed at himself egotistically. "It's a shame I can't be living up to my full potential with Sierra here. She's nice and all, but last week I tried to flirt with Gwen, and Sierra _growled_ at her! _Growled!_ Like . . . like Ezekiel, or something!" He sighed.

"I just can't believe Duncan is back!" Courtney sighed dreamily. "That dumb oaf made a fool of himself and, more importantly, a fool of _me,_ when he quit in Egypt, but I'm just glad he's here again."

"Yeah, me too," Gwen said, involuntarily sighing as well. This did not go unnoticed by Gwen.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Don't think I didn't pay attention last season," Courtney frowned. "Gwen and Duncan totally bonded. I wouldn't be surprised if she developed a little crush on him. It's _annoying,_ but it's harmless, I guess. So I've been pretending not to notice. I know neither of them will try anything, obviously . . . if they value their lives."

"Duncan is an enemy right now," Heather was quick to remind the two girls. "That _snake_ Alejandro is probably in their wrapping him around his little finger as we speak."

"I highly doubt that," Gwen laughed. "Didn't you hear? Alejandro got the boot last night."

"H-He _what?!"_ Heather gasped, as the rest of the team cheered.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I never got to know Alejandro, but he was basically the other team's leader," Courtney smiled. "With him gone, I'm up against the fart machine Owen, the idiot klutz Tyler, that big-headed nerd Noah, and _Duncan,_ who's too in love with me to be considered a major threat."

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I'm not upset Alejandro is gone," Heather rolled her eyes. "Why would I be? I should be _happy!_ He was the only other person in the game with a brain, and he's gone! Now I can cruise to the million . . ."

Despite her words, Heather's eye twitched, and a small tear peeked out.

"ATTENTION, TEAMS!" Chris' annoyingly loud voice boomed over the loudspeaker. "PLEASE REPORT TO THE COMMON AREA FOR A VERY, VERY SPECIAL SURPRISE INVOLVING THE COMPETITION! HAHAHA!"

Both teams gasped at this.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Is Chris really merging the teams _now?"_ Sierra gasped. "We _are_ the final nine, so I guess it's not totally out of left field, but still . . . I don't know, I wasn't expecting it! Codykins and I could have used the support of Team Amazon for a little longer!"

In the common area, the two teams sat at two tables. Chris walked out with Chef in tow.

"Hello, contestants," Chris grinned. ""Let me start off by saying that the teams are _not_ merging!"

"That's a relief," Gwen smiled at Courtney.

"Aw, I wouldn't have minded flying solo," Duncan commented, shooting the petrified Tyler a glare. Owen and Noah shrugged at each other.

"Nah, you guys aren't done messing with each other yet before I let you off on your own," Chris laughed, before turning serious. "And fortunately, Duncan McQuitterpants, your opinion does not matter to me in the slightest."

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Chris cleared his throat. "But for the actual announcement. Check out this footage of Chef and I dressing up Ezekiel as the Ripper!"

Chef wheeled out a portable television set and old footage appeared on it.

 _Ezekiel finished putting on the costume, and grabbed the fake knife from Chris, attempting to repeatedly stab him with it._

" _Yeah, as if we'd give you a real knife," Chris laughed at his attempts. "You're imitating Jack the Ripper, we're not trying to make you the next one."_

 _Ezekiel snarled at him._

" _Look, dude, if you can bring down everyone, you're back in the game, okay?"_

 _This shut up the slightly feral boy, who still had the determination in his mind to win._

" _Seriously, dude," Chris said, stifling laughter. Chef stood behind him, similarly holding back laughter. Finally, neither one could contain it, and they burst into fits of laughter._

" _HAHA, as if you'll be able to!" Chris laughed, angering Ezekiel, who gripped the fake knife tighter. "Seriously, bring down a single team, even! Just one measly team! That's how little faith I have in you!"_

 _The fake knife snapped in Ezekiel's hand, which stopped Chris and Chef's laughing._

" _We're gonna need a new fake knife out here," Chris yelled at an intern._

"Wonderful history lesson," Noah rolled his eyes.

"Would I have shown it to you if there wasn't a point?" Chris grinned his signature grin once more. "In the footage, I said Ezekiel could rejoin the game if he could even manage to bring down one team."

"He never brought down a team," Courtney pointed out. "Owen and Noah captured him, and Gwen and I never even encountered him!"

"You're right about the second part, but let me show you a shocking picture," Chris revealed a photograph. It was a printed screenshot of the previous challenge, and showed a confused Ripper looking on as Owen was attacked by corgis on the double decker bus.

"That was right before we nabbed him," Owen recalled.

"True, but look! Alejandro and Tyler are gone," Chris gestured to the photo. "Noah's in a glass box. And Owen is being set upon by dogs."

"In that moment, Ezekiel had brought down a whole team," Chef finished the host's thoughts.

Chris glared at him. "I'll do the dramatic revelations around here, okay? You just go fetch the homeschool."

As Chef grumbled and walked into the other room, the contestants whispered in anticipation.

"Why bring back Ezekiel?" Cody asked.

"Why are you honoring your words for once?" Heather asked.

"The answer to both of those questions is the same," Chris replied. "Because bringing a previously eliminated contestant just makes things so much more _interesting!"_

==CONFESSIONAL==

"His favorite word," Noah deadpanned.

Chef carried the confused-looking Ezekiel out of the back room. He looked as though he had been somewhat cleaned up, and the injured interns that followed out of the room proved this to be true.

"This is so not fair," Heather groaned. "The other team just got a new member, and now they're going to get another one?"

"Weird assumption that _they_ get Ezekiel," Chris teased. "Seeing as you guys won the last challenge, I think it's only fair if the Zekemeister joins Team Amazon!"

"Have fun with that," Duncan laughed.

The feral prairie boy crept cautiously over to his new team, all of its members staring uncomfortably at him. Finally, Courtney pushed Cody out to make first contact.

"Uh, hey, Zeke," Cody waved.

Ezekiel stood up on his hind legs, stretching. "Ah, hey, Cody, eh."

"Y-You can talk?" Owen asked. Tyler fainted on the spot.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Yeah, I haven't really been myself lately, eh," Ezekiel admitted. "But last night I had a nice hot bath, and some actual food and water, eh! Now Zeke's head is back in the game!"

==CONFESSIONAL==

"The Amazons have yet to lose a player, and now they gain Ezekiel," Noah sighed. "It's like the universe is stacked in their favor."

"Okay, teams, we're approaching today's destination," Chris began. "The birthplace of the Olympics, the beautiful, ancient city of Rome, Italy! I hope you guys are ready to be a bunch of little Olympians!"

"Italy?!" Owen squealed with delight. "PIZZA PARTY!"

"Um, Chris? The birthplace of the Olympics is Greece," Courtney corrected the host.

"Pretty sure you're wrong, Courtney," Chris shot back. "This research the interns did clearly shows that -"

"No, Courtney's right. The ancient Greeks started the Olympics," Gwen backed up her friend.

Chris looked down at the papers again. "Dang it! Okay, Chef, go turn the plane around! We're going to Greece!" He walked off into the back room. "WHOEVER FOUND THIS RESEARCH ISN'T GETTING FED TODAY!"

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Wouldn't it be easier to just go to Italy anyway and do a different challenge?" Noah retorted. "I guess I'm not complaining, more time to chill. There is someone I've been meaning to talk to . . ."

As Chris stormed off to torture an intern or two, the ten contestants sat around the common area, before spreading out to do their own thing.

"Haha, it's great to be an Amazon, eh," Ezekiel offered Courtney and Gwen a smile.

"Really?" Courtney raised an eyebrow distrustfully. "You sure there aren't too many _girls_ on this team, homeschool?"

==CONFESSIONAL==

"People are still dwelling on that, eh?" Ezekiel remarked with disbelief. "I was only saying what my pop told me, eh. Girls are weaker and dumber than guys are. It's, like, scientific, eh."

Sierra popped into the confessional. "Um, as the only female administrator on the Ezekiel fanpage, I should warn you to stop talking like that, or you're going to get booted pretty early."

The fan was gone as quickly as she appeared, leaving Ezekiel worried. "Um . . . okay."

Noah walked up to Duncan, who was carving a skull on the wall of the common area.

"What's up, little buddy?" the punk smirked at him.

"Hey, dude, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

Noah turned around to look at Tyler, who nervously fiddled with his fingers. "What's up with you and Tyler?"

"Sorry, little buddy, but that's classified intel," Duncan replied, glaring daggers at the jock once again. "Let's just say he stuck his big meaty head somewhere it didn't belong."

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I don't know why I thought I could get anything out of the guy whose only interaction with me has been grabbing my lip on the dock of Camp Wawanakwa," Noah sighed. "Maybe I can get Tyler to say something later."

The plane reached its descent, and soon the ten contestants were standing outside in the salty Mediterranean air.

"Welcome to the Acropolis, Olympians!" Chris greeted. He and Chef both wore togas.

"Shouldn't you be wearing Greek costumes instead of Roman togas?" Courtney criticized.

"You try buying two full sets of Spartan armor in four hours while piloting a plane," Chef shot back.

"We had the costumes for our planned stop at Rome," Chris growled at a hungry-looking intern by the plane. "But did you know that the ancient Olympians actually competed _naked?"_

"Alriiiiiight!" Owen chuckled, loosening his belt.

"Buuuuut we won't need to do that outside of a tiebreaker," Chris said quickly, as all present shielded their eyes.

"Seriously, dude, you are _way_ too eager to strip," Noah told Owen.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I like to show off what my mama gave me," Owen shrugged.

"Due to Team I Am So Wicked Hot's tragic player count and Team Amazon being made up of girls and Ezekiel, you won't be competing in each of these Olympians as a team, but as one-on-one matchups," Chris walked through the challenge, purposefully offending everyone in the process.

"What's the first challenge?" Tyler asked.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Haha, yeah! Sports always get my mind off of drama," Tyler laughed. "Now I don't have to worry about . . . what was I worried about again?"

"For the first challenge, I'm going to need a volunteer from each team to hunt for a gold medal in a maze of pillars, guarded by a vicious ancient Greek boar!" Chris looked around. "Any takers? This one's probably gonna take a while."

"I'll go," Gwen and Duncan both coincidentally stepped forth at the same time. They stared at each other in shock. Courtney also looked angry at this, while Tyler began sweating and Heather looked on intently.

"Actually, maybe I won't," Gwen and Duncan again said at the same time.

"No backing out now!" Chris smiled, throwing each of them a spear. "Enter the pillar arena and neither one of you come out until someone has a gold medal!"

"Perfect," Duncan sighed.

"Actually, Duncan, I think you mean _peeeerfeeeect!"_ Chris dramatically sang.

"No, I most certainly did not," Duncan rolled his eyes.

"Well, since you were a big whiny baby and quit the show because you didn't want to sing, I've decided that, for this challenge, you have to sing everything you say!" Chris explained. "That, or face a towel-whipping from Chef."

"Ooo, I'm so afraid of a little towel," Duncan feigned fear. "What, is it still damp from somebody's pool party?"

In a rapid display, Chef curled up a towel into a rat's tail and whipped Duncan with it.

"OW!" Duncan cried out, before clearing his throat. "I-I mean, ooowwww!" He sang.

"That's more like it!" Chris said. "Chef, why don't you keep an eye on Duncan while he and Gwen are in the maze of pillars? Make sure he doesn't slip." Chris eyed the other eight contestants. "The rest of you guys, follow me to the second challenge."

While walking towards a large wrestling ring, Noah elbowed Owen to get his attention and walked closer to Tyler. "So, Tyler, is everything alright?"

"Huh?" the jock replied to the bookworm.

"I mean, you looked crushed today," Noah shrugged.

"Oh," Tyler looked around. "Uhhhhhhh, well, I was, um, thinking about Lindsay! Yeah!"

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I don't care if Duncan's in a pillar maze, that dude scares me," Tyler shuddered. "He would _know_ if I spilled."

"Oh, okay," Owen smiled. "You don't have to worry about that."

Noah, however, still appeared unconvinced that this was the cause of Tyler's woe. "Oh, sorry, dude. I thought it had something to do with Duncan, seeing the tension between the two of you."

Tyler opened his mouth but was interrupted by Chris.

"It's wrestling time!" Chris grinned maliciously. "In this no-rules squabble, one person from one team must bring down a member of the other team. Choose who you'll be sending up."

"Isn't it obvious, eh?" Ezekiel stood proudly. "I'm the strongest person here, I can take down any of those guys in a second flat!"

"Yeah, that is absolutely not happening," Courtney said immediately. "I'm the strongest Amazon, so I'll wrestle."

"Guys, guys, you're both wrong," Cody pointed to himself confidently. "I've got this. Check out these biceps!" He attempted to flex his string bean arms, resulting in Sierra swooning.

"I second that! Cody wrestles!" Sierra said.

"No, _I_ am wrestling," Courtney insisted.

Across the ring, Noah winced. "Yeah, there's no way I'm wrestling."

"I can do it!" Tyler volunteered. "I was the captain of the wrestling team in fifth grade!"

"We might need you for a challenge down the road," Noah argued. "Owen is the biggest one here, he can hold his ground."

"Fair enough," Tyler smiled at Owen. "Go get 'em, big guy!"

"Start wrestling whenever," Chris said sarcastically. "It's not like we're on a time constraint, or anything."

Owen strode out into the ring. On Team Amazon's side, Cody marched out confidently, only to be held back by Courtney.

"Be honest with yourself, Cody," Courtney reasoned. "There is no way you can take out Owen."

Cody looked at Owen, before gaining a look of determination on his face. "Yes I can!"

"No, you can't," Courtney tried to drag the boy out of the ring.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF CODY!" Sierra snarled, pouncing on Courtney. Free from Courtney's grasp, Cody charged at Owen, ultimately bouncing off of him and landing out of the ring.

"That tickled," Owen giggled.

Courtney and Sierra held each other in chokeholds, which took their toll as both passed out. Owen walked out and put his foot on both of them.

"Team Me wins the wrestling challenge!" Chris tossed Owen two gold medals for "taking out" both Courtney and Sierra.

==CONFESSIONAL==

" _That_ display was hard to watch," Heather scoffed. "My stupid team actually let that babbling ball of lard win?"

She rolled her eyes. "And I'm not just saying that because he voted off Alejandro. I mean, why would that be the reason? Seriously!"

In the maze of hurdles, Gwen worriedly kept her eyes peeled for the boar she was supposed to be hunting. She froze when she heard some marble crumble from a nearby pillar. Something was moving nearby.

She swallowed a lump in her throat and jumped out, spear ready, only to find Duncan in the same stance.

"Oh, hey, I just -" both said at the same time, Duncan singing. "You go first."

However, the secret lovers froze in horror when they heard a familiar bell.

"Oh no," Duncan sang meekly.

"Oh yes!" Chris peeked his head around a pillar. "You skipped out on half a season of singing and you're surprised I'm making you do it now? Start singing!"

As Chris left, Chef began strumming out a tune on a bouzouki guitar, leading into a duet.

"I know what you're thinking, I'm thinking it too," Duncan sang.

"I'm not sure what you're thinking, so maybe that's true!" Gwen shrugged.

"I don't know what happened, but I have no regrets."

"Really?" Gwen expressed doubt. "Or because you-know-who doesn't know yet?"

"Oh, it's just between us," Duncan sang, as the music picked up.

"Not exactly, _someone_ made a fuss," Gwen said, gesturing to a statue of a familiar-looking tracksuited Olympian holding up the globe.

"They sure weren't meant to see," Duncan agreed. "But that locked door couldn't secure our privacy!"

The other contestants stood by, waiting for Chris to introduce the next challenge.

"He's got such a great voice," Courtney bragged to the other members of her team. "I just can't make out the lyrics. SPEAK UP!"

"SHHH!" Chris shushed the CIT.

"Fine, let's do it," Duncan said, guiltily staring at a statue that resembled Courtney. "Let's clear the air."

"Save it for later," Gwen pointed to a slightly more dangerous situation. "Look out for that bear!"

Duncan turned too late, as a bear with boar-like fake tusks and a gold medal around his neck pounced on him.

"AHHH! THE PAIN, THE PAIN, TOO MUCH TO EXPLAIN!" Duncan cried out in agony.

"Gotta stop what we're doing, 'cause this is just insane!"

"The boar-bear's got me," Duncan moaned. "And that's seriously lame."

Gwen used this opportunity to grab the medal from around the boar-bear's neck. "Thanks, Mr. Boar-Bear, I guess I win this game!"

Quickly finding her way out of the maze, Gwen showed off the medal for her team.

"Nice one, Gwen!" Courtney high-fived her teammate.

"And Team Amazon secures their first medal!" Chris nodded. "Unfortunately for them, if Team Chris wins this last challenge, the girls are going to have to send someone home."

"We're not girls, eh," Ezekiel pointed out.

"Just get used to that," Cody advised.

"What is the last challenge anyway?" Sierra asked.

"A traditional hurdle race!" Chris gestured to the hurdles behind him. "Each team sends one member to hop the hurdles and make it to the end. First one there wins a medal!"

"Now _this_ has your name all over it," Noah advised Tyler.

"Haha, _yeah!"_ Tyler stood proudly.

"I guess I'll go," Heather volunteered.

"What?" Ezekiel argued. "I want to go!"

"You'd screw it up," Heather replied quickly and bluntly.

The Queen Bee made her way to the hurdles, where Tyler was already stretching.

"Alright, ready, set, GO!" Chris called off, and the two contestants took off.

Tyler effortlessly made his way over hurdle after hurdle, and the distance between him and Heather only grew.

"WOO! Go Tyler!" Owen cheered with Noah.

"RUN, HEATHER!" Courtney screamed.

"Hey, at least if she loses, we have an excuse to vote her off," Gwen shrugged.

"Hm, yeah," Courtney nodded, though she did not smile.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I don't trust Gwen and Duncan together," Courtney admitted. "And the fact that they sang a song together while being alone in that maze earlier is really rubbing me the wrong way."

"Ha! I could do this with my eyes closed!" Tyler laughed.

"Please don't," Noah deadpanned. But it was too late; Tyler had abided by his words and predictably slammed into a hurdle, which dragged him to the ground.

"TYLER! GET UP!" Owen cried.

"Wha?" Tyler looked up from the ground, his face bruised. Heather quickly passed him. "Oh no!"

"Oh yes!" Heather replied, crossing the finish line.

"And Team Amazon earns itself another medal!" Chris gifted Heather with the gold. "But this means that we're tied. And you know what that means?"

"A naked tiebreaker?" Owen prepared to strip.

"No!" Chris covered his eyes again. "Well, sort of."

Duncan stood up, severely injured from boar-bear bites. The creature in question had run off somewhere. Chef stood in front of the delinquent and helped him up.

"Dude, is it over?" Duncan sang. Chef nodded. "So I should get back to my team?" Chef nodded again. "Do you know where the exit is?" Chef shook his head. "Perfect!"

The delinquent fortunately managed to find the exit fairly simply, and ran as fast as his injuries could carry him to catch up with the others.

"I'm gonna need the two contestants who haven't done anything yet to please step forward," Chris said. Noah stepped forward, followed by Ezekiel and Cody. "Hey! I said _two_ contestants."

"Neither of us did anything, eh," Ezekiel shrugged.

"Well, Cody did more stuff when he pathetically tried to quote-unquote 'wrestle' Owen, so Zekester, I'll use you," Chris called the homeschool forth.

Noah and Ezekiel gave each other a look before turning back to the host. Abruptly, Chef stepped forth and handed the two costumes that looked slightly angelic.

"Put on these Icarus costumes, and fly up to claim a medal for your team from the top of that crane!" Chris gestured to an out-of-place crane that held a medal on its tip.

"Very ancient Greek challenge choice," Noah quipped.

"Really?" Ezekiel stared at the crane. "I didn't think they had cranes in ancient Greece, eh."

Noah facepalmed. The two boys got changed into their ridiculous costumes.

"Oh, and to get up there, you're going to have to flap your wings," Chris informed.

"You can do it, little buddy!" Owen rooted.

"Do it or your toast, homeschool," Heather hissed.

Chris aimed an arrow at the sky with a bow handed to him by Chef. "On your marks . . ."

"YOU!" Duncan's voice rang out from nearby. Everyone but a focused Chris turned to see Duncan angrily approach Tyler. "You spilled, didn't you?"

"What?" Tyler asked. Chef looked around for the towel but realized with disappointment that he had left it in the maze, Duncan could continue counting.

"Get set . . ." Chris continued.

"Don't play stupid with me," Duncan growled, shaking a terrified Tyler under his shoulders. He stared at the bruise on his face. "Courtney beat you up, right? I recognize Courtney bruises anywhere. And she must have only beaten you up because I wasn't around!"

"Why would I beat up Tyler?" Courtney asked. She squinted. "Why would I beat up _you?"_

"Because I kissed Gwen!" Duncan rolled his eyes. "Obviously!"

"You _what?!"_ Owen and Noah gasped.

"YOU WHAT?!" Courtney shrieked.

"You _what?!"_ Cody and Sierra gasped.

"Which one is Gwen again, eh?" Ezekiel tried to whisper to a shocked Sierra.

"Go!" Chris let the arrow fly loose. Noah and Ezekiel tried with great difficulty to get up into the sky. Meanwhile, on the ground, Duncan was beginning to realize the error of what he did.

"Wait, you . . . you guys seriously didn't know?" the delinquent said in mortified shock. He looked to Tyler, who smiled sheepishly. "Meathead, you didn't squeal?"

"N-No," Tyler revealed.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Uh . . . wow," Duncan rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "I always imagined it going down in a way that involved Tyler spilling the beans. Still, I have no regrets."

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Is he _serious?!"_ Gwen nearly ripped her hair out.

"Are you _serious?!"_ Gwen cried, glaring at Duncan.

"Is _he_ serious?! _ARE EITHER OF YOU SERIOUS?!"_ Courtney shrieked, pouncing on Gwen but being held back at the last second by Sierra.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Gwen . . . and Duncan?" Cody sighed. "I always thought . . . _I'd_ be after Trent . . ."

Noah and Ezekiel, having of about the same level of physical prowess, struggled to flap their fake wings as they eyed the medal on the crane. The shock of the news certainly did not help Noah.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Tyler must have seen Duncan and Gwen kissing in the confessional! Of course!" Noah facepalmed. "But still . . . pretty shocking revelation. And that's coming from someone who isn't easily shocked."

"EZEKIEL!" Courtney screamed from the ground.

"Yeah?" Ezekiel asked.

"If you have any hope of remaining in the game, you will come back to the ground and stay here," Courtney ordered.

Ezekiel thought this over. "But then we'll lose, and you guys'll vote me out, eh!"

"Trust me, we won't be voting you off tonight," Courtney glared at Gwen.

Ezekiel watched the looks between the two of them, before it finally clicked. "Ohhhhhhhhhh! I got you, eh!"

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I don't really know what's going on, eh," Ezekiel confessed. "But when Courtney yells at you to do something, you do it if you value your hide."

Ezekiel landed swiftly to the ground, where Cody ran up to him. "Zeke! I need your wings!"

"I don't need 'em anymore, eh," Ezekiel shrugged, taking off his wings and giving them to Cody. Cody quickly put them on and flapped his way up.

"CODY, NO!" Courtney tried to grab Cody's leg, but Sierra held him back.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"I wouldn't mind losing to get Gwen out of here," Sierra rolled her eyes. "But what Cody does, goes. Courtney better remember that."

"SIERRA! LET ME GO!" Courtney snarled.

Owen and Tyler watched Noah fly in silence.

"So . . . that's crazy about Duncan and Gwen," Owen said softly.

"You have no idea," Tyler sighed.

Standing away from them was Duncan, who appeared uncomfortable and glared at his feet. Up in the air, Noah was extremely close to grabbing the medal with his teeth. Suddenly, the feathers on his wings peeled off, and the bookworm was sent careening to the ground. Not long after, Cody managed to make his way up to grab the medal.

"Cody, you're not the one I sent up there," Chris glared, but then shrugged. "But I suppose Noah has no feasible way to get up there, now, so Team Amazon wins!"

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Courtney screamed dramatically.

"Team Chris, I'll be seeing you in the elimination area tonight," Chris smiled.

"It's messed up, if you ask me," Tyler told Owen as the two sat outside the confessional, waiting to cast their votes. "I could never do that to my Lindsay."

"Well . . . think about it this way," Owen showed off his two gold medals. "The way I see it, Duncan is the only player in Total Drama history to get with two hotties. He's got two gold medals in the Total Drama Babe Olympics."

"Gwen and Courtney," Tyler nodded. "That's a good point."

"Hey, big guy," Noah stepped out of the confessional. "How would you like it if Izzy dumped you for another guy, and said she was just getting another medal in the Babe Olympics?"

"That would . . . suck," Owen looked down sadly, remembering his beloved ex-girlfriend. "Oh, Izzy!"

"Exactly. So Duncan's really nobody to be proud of," Noah said.

"I . . . I guess not," Owen agreed reluctantly. "I just really don't want to think of the guy as a bad person! We get along really well! We were friends in season one, after the merge!"

"Sometimes your friends are bad people," Noah shrugged. "Remember Alejandro?"

At the door to the hallway, Duncan listened in on the whole conversation, cursing under his breath.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Owen better keep his _little buddy_ quiet or there's gonna be a nerd-shaped splatter on the floor in economy class tonight," the delinquent growled. He sighed. "I guess in retrospect, I should have ended things with Courtney before . . . look, I don't have to explain myself to you!"

==CONFESSIONAL==

Noah shrugged. "I don't feel guilty. The only conversation I had with this guy before the last twenty-four hours, he grabbed my lip and threatened to force a piercing on me. Not a big loss."

==CONFESSIONAL==

"What Duncan did today was stupid and reckless," Gwen said scornfully. She frowned. "But I still don't want him to leave!"

"I want to say this was a difficult choice," Chris read the passports to himself as Duncan, Owen, Noah, and Tyler watched on. Gwen sneaked into the room and hid behind one of the decorative tikis. "I really, really want to say this was a difficult choice. But ultimately one of you let your team down, both in the challenge and on a moral basis.

"And so, tonight's drop-of-shame victim will be . . ." Chris prepared to announce the loser. Owen, Noah, and Tyler instinctively looked at Duncan. The delinquent sighed as he stared dead ahead.

". . . this intern!" Chris turned on the scrawny-looking intern behind him, shoving him out of the plane.

"What?" the four contestants simultaneously asked in shock. Gwen silently sighed with relief.

"You guys seriously think I'm gonna get rid of Duncan right after this whole thing with Gwen happened?" Chris laughed, showing the four passports to Team Chris. Three were pictures of Duncan, while one was a picture of Noah. "Ha! No way! Think of the ratings!"

"That's not fair!" Tyler protested.

"No, I'm a pretty fair guy," Chris shrugged. "Next time Duncan gets voted off, I'll throw him out of the plane for real. Heh. But he's safe for now - don't you guys want to see how this pans out? Haha!"

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Unbelievable," Noah rolled his eyes. "Luckily, I have Owen and Tyler on my side, so Duncan's gone next time we lose.

In first class, Courtney sobbed deeply into a plush yellow chair. Sierra patted her on the back, while Cody sighed.

"I wonder where Gwen went," he asked no one in particular.

"Who cares?" Heather rolled her eyes from her seat. "Word to the wise, Cody, Gwen is a massive target, so unless you want to associate yourself with a target, stay away from him."

"As much as I hate both Heather and her threats, Heather is right on this one, Codykins," Sierra advised. "GWEN IS SCUM!"

"Gee, thanks," Gwen sighed as she entered the room.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"So I'm still in it to win it," Duncan smiled flirtingly at Gwen.

"You know what, both of us are totally screwed now, and I feel really bad about making Courtney cry, but . . . despite all of that, I still don't regret a thing," Gwen looked out the plane window. "Is that selfish?"

"We have each other," Duncan shrugged. "We're survivors."

With this, they began a fresh bout of making out.

The door opened and Tyler's head peeped in. "Hey, sorry, I didn't know anyone was . . . oh, COME ON!"

Duncan slammed the door in his face without opening his eyes.

Noah walked to the common area, tasked with getting some late night snacks for Owen and himself. Though he hated economy class food, he hadn't eaten all day. As for Owen, well, that didn't require any explanation.

As he entered the dining hall, he saw Heather at a table. "Hello, Noah."

"Hi, Heather. Sitting by yourself in the dark, are we?"

"I know you're responsible for Alejandro's elimination."

"What?"

Heather chuckled. "Owen and Tyler are too stupid. And Duncan had just stepped foot on the plane. It had to be you." She looked up at him. "I hope you know this means that you're the new Alejandro. The only person on your team with a brain, and my rival. And you're going down."

"Uh . . . okay," Noah turned and left the room.

==CONFESSIONAL==

"My reputation precedes me, I guess," Noah said with confusion. "Oh, and Duncan voted for me. Comforting."

==CONFESSIONAL==

"Noah can pretend to be a little schemer all he wants, but he's going _down,"_ Heather smiled.

"Whoa!" Chris feigned shock at Heather's tone as he sat in the cockpit with Chef.  
"Sounds like tensions between the two teams are really heating up! Actually, tensions _in_ the two teams are heating up too! I wonder who will be the next to take the drop of shame? Tune in next time to find out! I'm Chris McLean, and this has been Total! Drama! World Tour!"

 **That's a wrap on chapter two! Things are really starting to branch off from the main series. Why did I bring in Ezekiel? Why not! And Tyler doesn't have the same target on his back that he did after he spilled the beans in the actual show. What could this mean for him? Only time will tell!**

 **And I finally tackled the Gwen/Duncan/Courtney stuff. I'm sorry if you disagree with my portrayal of the three characters and the situation, but this is** _ **the**_ **hot button issue of the Total Drama community, so I'm sure no matter how I portrayed it there would be people unhappy with it. Regardless of all that, thank you all so much for reading! See you in the next chapter!**


	3. The Ex-Files

**Hey, everybody, and welcome to Area 51!**

 **Before we start I owe you all an apology! I reread the story on and the formatting with the confessionals did NOT come out as it did when I typed it up on Google Docs. They are sort of difficult to read and I'd like to apologize for that.**

 **Since the hyphens I'm putting in the story to separate confessionals aren't showing up on , I'm instead going to put the confessionals in bold to make them easier to read and separate.**

 **As always, thanks for the kind words in your reviews, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot slept through the night in economy class, which was becoming their home away from home.

Noah stirred in his sleep slightly, slowly opening his eyes. In front of him stood a familiar delinquent, inches away from his face.

Noah's eyes widened in horror but quickly lowered back to their usual sarcastic deadpan. "So you're going to kiss _me,_ now, huh?"

Duncan did not appreciate Noah's joke, as he grabbed the bookworm's lip in an apparent homage to their first ever conversation. "Listen up, _little buddy,"_ he threatened in a whisper. "I don't like that I have to be back on this stupid show, but now that I'm here, and now that everyone knows about me and Gwen, I ain't going out like this, okay? And I'm certainly not going out under the watchful eye of some big-headed dweeb."

"Give big-headed dweebs a break," Noah quipped. "They're the ones responsible for getting you out of prison."

"Oh, you think this is funny?" Duncan twisted Noah's lip, causing pain to shoot through his head. "Here's what's going to happen. You and I are going to convince our friend Owen to vote off Meathead next. If you refuse, there will be consequences. These consequences could involve your place in the game and your chance at a million bucks, or it could involve the use of all of your limbs. That's for you to find out." Duncan finally let go of Noah's lip. "Now, get some sleep, little buddy."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Great, so now I have both Duncan and Heather making threats at me," Noah sighed. "I really can't catch a break, can I? I wonder how Alejandro would have dealt with all this. He probably would have just flirted with Gwen or something. Who knows?"**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I had to put Dweeby in his place," Duncan shrugged. "My days here were numbered if I did otherwise."**

In victory class, Gwen, Heather, Ezekiel, and Courtney slept. Gwen had a look of guilt racked on her face - no doubt she was having a nightmare - and Courtney occasionally released an involuntary sob. Heather and Ezekiel slept like babies.

"Hey, Codykins," Sierra asked her crush. "You up?"

"You are literally sitting right next to me," Cody sighed. "I am up."

"I just can't stop thinking about the whole thing with Gwuncan," Sierra said. "If only I had my computer! This has about thirty blog posts written all over it! 'Duncan cheats on Courtney! Gwen a homewrecker!'"

"Hey, first of all, what home was Gwen wrecking exactly?" Cody defended Gwen. "Courtney and Duncan were in shambles. Weren't they broken up already?"

"Common misconception," Sierra explained. "They had broken up before, but as of when Gwen and Duncan kissed, Duncney was still together."

"Well, I still don't see how Gwen is responsible for this at all," Cody harrumphed.

"Cody Emmett Jameson Anderson!" Sierra creepily recited Cody's full name in scolding. "What did Heather say? Stay away from Gwen! She's gonna drag you down with her!"

"I kinda like that Gwen, eh," Ezekiel's head peeked over from the seat in front of Cody and Sierra. "Hey, do you guys think she's single?"

Cody and Sierra looked at each other in disbelief.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Does Zeke have any idea about . . . anything?" Cody wondered.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I suppose it makes sense that Zeke doesn't understand the situation seeing as he's been stowing away in the cargo hold for weeks," Sierra thought aloud. "Still, though. Wow. I didn't think anyone could be that dense."**

 **She then grabbed her ponytail. "Do you think Codykins likes the way I do my hair? I was thinking of wearing it out but I'm not sure."**

"WAKEY WAKEY, PASSENGERS!" Chris' voice boomed over the loudspeaker, as the contestants groggily awoke, groaning. "PLEASE REPORT TO THE COMMON AREA AS WE APPROACH OUR DESTINATION. THANKS! OH, AND IN CASE YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE WAKING UP . . ." An immense airhorn noise sounded over the loudspeaker, causing all ten of the contestants to jump up in surprise.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **As so much changes, one constant remains the same," Gwen noted. "Chris sucks. I think** _ **everybody**_ **can agree on that."**

The two teams made their way to the common area, where breakfast awaited them - bags of airline peanuts.

"Not only is this disgusting, but it's _lazy,"_ Heather criticized. "These are just the elimination peanuts."

"If there's one thing I've learned during my time in the cargo hold, it's not to take food for granted, eh," Ezekiel dug into his vomit-soaked peanuts. Heather stifled a gag.

"Hey, wait a second," Sierra moved her finger from, Noah to Owen to Tyler and to Duncan. "Team Chris still has all its members?"

"Duncan was supposed to get the boot, but Chris decided to spare him for ratings," Owen explained.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **THE ONE THING YOU DO ALMOST EVERY EPISODE, YOU COULDN'T DO - NOT BECAUSE IT WAS A REWARD CHALLENGE - BUT BECAUSE OF** _ **RATINGS?!"**_ **Courtney screamed into the camera. "YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER LAWSUIT COMING, MCLEAN!"**

"Don't worry, Duncan's not going anywhere," Duncan smiled as he took a seat. Noah and Owen exchanged a glance as they sat with him, Tyler also swallowing a lump in his throat as he took a seat. None of this went unnoticed by Heather.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **That little punk's got his entire team wrapped around his pinky finger," Heather noted. "Maybe I gave Noah too much credit."**

Courtney, however, was not ready to accept Duncan's quick remark. "Oh, rest assured, you _brute,_ you will be out of that plane the next time your team loses! _MARK MY WORDS!"_

"Your words don't really mean much to me, Court," Duncan shrugged.

A fresh bout of tears pooled out of Courtney's eyes. "Did I mean _anything_ to you?"

Duncan had not been anticipating this question. "Well, I-I mean . . . no, uh, yes, you did, of course . . . but things changed," the delinquent stood up in an attempt to be civil. "Sorry, Princess," he said genuinely.

"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT AGAIN!" Courtney shrieked, kicking Duncan in the groin. He doubled over in pain as Courtney cried. "WE ARE _THROUGH! FOREVER!"_

"Fine by me," Duncan said, his voice slightly squeakier than usual as he lay on the ground doubled over in searing pain. "But if it means . . . anything . . . I'm really, really sorry things ended up the way they did . . ."

"First of all, no, it doesn't mean _anything,"_ Courtney hissed. "Second, if you weren't happy, _YOU COULD HAVE JUST BROKEN UP WITH ME!"_

"Courtney, are you gonna eat your airline peanuts, eh?" Ezekiel butted in. Courtney gave him a monstrous glare that caused him to duck under the table, before turning back to Duncan.

"I hope you and Gwen are happy together," she said, scarily calm. "You're both disgusting, despicable _traitors."_

Every word from Courtney appeared to be a dagger in Gwen's heart. She couldn't bring herself to even look up, staring down at her soggy bag of airline peanuts. Cody noticed this, puffing up his chest.

"That's _enough!"_ he mockingly pulled back his sleeves, marching up to Courtney. "Leave Gwen alone!"

 **==CONFESSIONAL===**

" **Oh my God," Noah deadpanned.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Kid's got some guts, gotta admire that," Duncan shrugged.**

"Cody, _no!"_ Sierra whisper-yelled to the apple of her eye. "Remember what -"

"Can it, Sierra," Cody interrupted, getting into Courtney's confused face. "Listen up, Courtney. Your yelling is just making the situation worse. Obviously Gwen is already upset that she kissed Duncan and not the Codemeister."

"You're not helping, Ladykiller," Duncan glared.

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa!"_ Chris giggled as he entered the room. "Looks like I might be interrupting something! Oopsie! But your little drama is gonna have to wait until we get to today's challenge."

The plane began its descent as the contestants stood around Chris in bitter silence.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I don't have anything against Cody," Courtney said honestly. "He's too pitiful to hate. His problem is he's under a** _ **witch's spell."**_

"Welcome, contestants!" Chris smiled at the teens, who stood around in the cool nighttime Mojave air, "to Area 52!"

"Could we not get the rights to Area 51, or something?" Noah asked. "Or are we not allowed in there on account of the fact that it's a secret military base and we could be shot on sight at any moment now?"

Tyler swallowed a lump in his throat and hid behind Owen.

"Actually, Area 51 is right over there," Chris gestured to another part of desert that looked identical to the one they were in at the moment. "Duncan's standing in it right now!"

Duncan was promptly fired at with a laser, causing him, too, to duck behind Owen. Courtney laughed maniacally at Duncan's misfortune.

"Anyway, the challenge - teams must sneak into Area 51 while the most elite of the American military tries to keep you out," Chris explained.

"Doesn't America have, like, the strongest military in the world?" Gwen asked meekly.

"Perfect! Then they couldn't possibly miss shooting _you,_ _New Heather,"_ Heather smirked.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

Gwen looked close to tears, though it was hard to tell if it was out of anger or sadness. " _New Heather?_ Heather has no respect for anyone, and plays the game ruthlessly! She even kissed Trent when . . . I . . ." Realizing Heather's argument, Gwen began sobbing.

Gwen wiped the tears from her eyes as Cody looked on in concern.

"It's okay, guys, I have friends in the American military who are in the base tonight," Chris informed. "So I promise you that Chef and I are in absolutely no danger."

"That's a relief," Noah rolled his eyes.

"The rest of you have to find some way to get past security and into the base's storage facility. Find an alien artifact and bring it to me for your team's victory! Whichever team doesn't do this, or shows up last, is saying goodbye to a loser later!"

Courtney glared at Gwen and looked up in thought.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **As much as I want that boneheaded** _ **ogre**_ **to go home, I have a much easier opportunity to vote off Gwen," Courtney thought aloud.**

"Aaaaaand _go!"_ Chris blared an airhorn.

Owen began running, but quickly noticed there was no one else running with him. "Guys? Hello?"

"We're, uh, right behind you, buddy," Noah smiled sheepishly, as he, Duncan, and Tyler ran directly behind Owen, using him as a human shield.

A small rocket was fired from the base up ahead, but its shell merely bounced off of Owen, eliciting a ticklish giggle from him and sighs of relief from the rest of the team.

Team Amazon, on the other hand, wasn't running at all.

"What's the hold up, eh? Zekester wants to get _movin',"_ Ezekiel ran in place, showing his determination.

"I think we're gonna sit this challenge out, actually," Courtney yawned. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I think we could _really_ use a breather. We've earned it."

Heather gave Courtney a dirty look, and walked up to her. "Um, yeah, that's not gonna fly. We can all see right through you and why you're doing this - well, everyone but Homeschool - and it's not gonna fly. I don't know about you, but I really like victory class, and don't want to sleep on a sheet of metal because you have a chip on your shoulder."

Courtney's eye twitched at this direct refusal of her orders. All was quietly tense, until Ezekiel spoke up. "Ohhhh, wait, _I'm_ Homeschool, right?"

"I agree with Heather," Cody shuddered as the words left his lips. "We're doing the challenge!"

"Whatever Cody says, goes!" Sierra squealed her mantra.

"Yeah, let's get out there, eh!" Ezekiel hopped up, reinvigorated again.

Gwen looked at Courtney, who, outnumbered, glared bitingly. " _Fine. Let's go."_

Duncan's ex took her sweet time getting to her feet and marching the team towards the base.

"The other team has a huge lead on us," Sierra lamented. As she noted this, an explosion rocked Team Chris in the distance. Even Duncan, Tyler, and Noah couldn't escape the fallout from this, as all four boys were sent flying into the air.

"Oh, and did I mention the minefield?" Chris' voice boomed over a loudspeaker somewhere. "Probably should have mentioned the minefield. Hehe."

"How could this get any less safe?" Ezekiel wondered.

With this, the familiar chime of a bell rang twice, signaling that it was time for a musical number.

"No way," Heather groaned.

"Yes way!" Chris' voice replied happily. "This is a Team Amazon song, but I only really need Courtney to sing, because I think she's got a lot to sing about!"

Courtney's frown turned even more bitter as she prepared to sing over a rock beat. "Boyfriend kisser, I thought she was my friend, but now it's time to diss her. Sure, we've had some fun times, but I'm not gonna miss her now!"

"Boyfriend kisser!" Heather sang backup as the team carefully approached the minefield.

"You're gonna get what's coming to you if it's the last thing I ever do!"

"That's right!" Heather added to Courtney, as the latter glared at Gwen.

"That's right!" Gwen looked terrified at Courtney

"That's right!" Cody frowned with concern at Gwen.

"That's right!" Sierra held Cody close.

"Let's go a little back we captured Duncan in a sack," Courtney reminisced.

"And had a laugh attack when you stretched me on the rack," Heather recalled stingingly.

"All those times you made me smile, you wanted my man all the while!" Courtney frowned.

"Duh!" Sierra shook her head. "It was _so_ obvious!"

"It was?" Ezekiel asked.

"Boyfriend kisser!" Courtney continued passionately, glaring at Gwen. "You're not my new sister - you're a pussy, gothy, nasty blister!"

"Boyfriend kisser!" Heather added. Each word seemed to make Gwen less and less afraid and more and more depressed. However, even the queen bee looked around with concern, as Team Chris ran further and further ahead. Cody seemed to get an idea, throwing some candy from his pocket onto the minefield. This set off the explosives, and allowed the group to proceed.

"You're gonna get what's coming to you," Courtney, Heather, and even Ezekiel, who was having the time of his life singing again.

"If it's the last thing I ever do," Courtney ended the song by herself with one last glare to Gwen. The group followed Cody past the mines.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **When Duncan spilled the beans in Greece I was terrified of Courtney," Gwen explained. "But now . . . I'm just upset at myself. Don't get me wrong, I really, really like Duncan, but the least I could have done was ask him to break up with Courtney." She sighed.**

Team Chris approached the fence surrounding the large building. As Owen reached out a hand to the fence, a laser fired right where he was about to touch. All four members of Team Chris dove behind a large rock nearby.

"Okay, what's our approach with this thing?" Tyler asked nervously.

"You got any ideas, little buddy?" Owen asked, turning to Noah for guidance. Tyler looked to Noah as he would have looked to anyone who seemed like they had a clue what was going on, and Duncan's bored gaze also fell upon Noah.

"Oh," Noah pondered. "Um . . ."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

 **Noah appeared a little uncomfortable. "Since Alejandro left, I've kind of been the de facto team leader, I guess. To be honest, it's taken some getting used to."**

Noah surveyed the environment around them, noting an opening in the gate. "Everyone make a mad dash for that opening!" he decided, earning reluctant nods from Owen, Tyler, and Duncan. "Owen, um, you mind going first?"

Owen became determined. "Of course not! I live for danger! WOOOO!"

Owen dashed for the opening, with Noah, Tyler, and Duncan close behind to avoid lasers. Laser shots were fired at Owen, but they did nothing but tickle him.

As Owen approached the gate and elicited one more giggle, a large tube appeared from the ground and tried to suck him up. Fortunately, this just elicited another set of giggles - the tube was far too small to fit him. The team was not expecting a larger tube to come out and suck up Owen, disappearing without a trace.

"OWEN!" Noah, Tyler, and Duncan cried out in fear.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **How was I supposed to know using Owen like a human shield would have consequences?" Noah said, visibly distraught. "This is all my fault!"**

"Come on, before that tube thing comes back!" Duncan grabbed Noah and Tyler and sprinted from the gate to the facility. A few guards exited through a doorway; Duncan stuck his foot in the door before it shut and ushered in his two teammates.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I guess having a criminal record** _ **does**_ **have its perks," Duncan shrugged.**

Close behind them was Team Amazon, also finding themselves with the predicament of the laser defense system.

"Offer the lasers Gwen as a sacrifice," Courtney offered, completely serious.

"Maybe we shouldn't do that," Sierra swallowed a lump in her throat, eyeing the deadly laser as it shot at an innocent little rabbit hopping by. The rabbit became charred and sprinted away.

"I got this, eh," Ezekiel stood up triumphantly.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Back on the farm, my uncle got abducted by aliens one time, eh," Ezekiel explained. "So I know all about this crazy laser weaponry and how to deflect it."**

"Zeke, what are you doing?!" Gwen whispered.

"No, I want to see how this turns out," Heather hushed her, smiling cruelly at Ezekiel.

The homeschool snatched a pocket mirror from Gwen's back pocket aiming it at the lasers. "The trick is to get 'em to shoot the mirror, and then shoot themselves back, eh," Ezekiel explained. As he informed his team of his methods, a laser fired, shooting Ezekiel where he had not been expecting - a direct shot to his crotch.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Right in the kiwis," Cody winced.**

Duncan crept from box to box in the storage facility, keeping his eyes peeled for guards. A guilty-looking Tyler and a deadpan Noah followed suit.

"You sure seem to know a lot about escaping security," Noah quipped. "Wonder what that's all about?"

"Very funny, little buddy," Duncan retorted.

"I just feel awful about Owen," Tyler confessed. "Where do you think he is?"

"I'm . . . not sure," Duncan replied, a little upset as well. "I'm sure the big guy will be alright. Chris won't let him die onscreen."

The camera cut to Chris' quarters in the plane. The host smiled quizzically. "Won't I?" Chef shook his head, and Chris sighed, giving in. "No, I won't."

"Hey, I think I found an alien artifact," Tyler pointed to a large chamber with a locked garage door.

"I think Chris wanted something a bit . . . smaller," Noah reasoned. He walked over to a strangely-shaped, brightly-colored metal object near some boxes, gingerly picking it up. "Like this thing." As soon as the words left his lips, the object began blinking and beeping rapidly. Noah instinctively tossed it as far away as possible, which turned out to be a good decision as it exploded loudly, tearing a hole in the wall in the process.

"Nice going, little buddy," Duncan laughed.

"What was that? Hello?" From the chamber came Owen's voice. "Anyone?"

"OWEN?" Tyler yelled back. "ARE YOU IN THERE?"

Outside, Team Amazon approached the base, sneaking in through the new massive hole in the wall.

"Noah set off the security alarm!" Chris' omnipotent voice came over the loudspeaker. "That's gonna make finding an intact artifact a lot trickier! Everyone say 'thank you, Noah!'"

"Thank you, Noah," everyone groaned, except for Noah and Owen, the latter who was still locked away in a chamber.

"Alright, let's all split up," Courtney decided. "We'll have a better chance of finding an artifact."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **And, with a little luck, we won't be able to group up again at the end, or someone will get captured, and then it's bye-bye Gwen," Courtney smiled.**

Unsurprisingly, Gwen used this opportunity to distance herself from the team. Courtney went off on her own, followed by a suspicious Heather.

"You and me, Codykins," Sierra squealed with her eyes closed. When she opened them, she saw she was standing alone. "Codykins?"

"She annoys you, huh?" Ezekiel asked Cody, as the two hid behind some boxes. Cody desperately hushed him, as Sierra sniffed the ground. "She does and all, but she'll find me eventually. I needed to get you alone to ask you for your help with something."

"What's that?" Ezekiel asked, once again at completely normal volume.

"Codykins? Was that you?" Sierra asked, approaching the boxes the boys were hiding behind.

Cody groaned. "Vote off Courtney next time we lose, okay?" he said quickly.

"Oh, okay! She's super scary, eh!"

"Who's super scary?" Sierra asked, smiling.

"Courtney," Ezekiel replied quickly. "Cody and I were talking about -"

"How scary she was," Cody interrupted.

"Oh, yeah, Courtney can get _crazy,_ especially when she's mad!" Sierra nodded.

"Would you happen to think she's crazy enough to, say, be voted off next time we lose?" Cody tried.

"Oh, Codykins, we have to get rid of that horrible homewrecker first!" Sierra reminded him. "After that, we can vote off Courtney!"

"Gee, thanks," Cody rolled his eyes.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Sierra will do literally anything I ask her to do, except vote for Gwen," Cody groaned. "Or leave me alone."**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Wait, I'm confused, are we voting off** _ **Courtney**_ **or** _ **Gwen?"**_ **Ezekiel pondered.**

"OWEN, DESCRIBE THE ROOM YOU'RE IN," Tyler yelled at the garage door. Duncan uneasily looked around to see if any security guards would inevitably hear Tyler's shouting.

"IT'S DARK," Owen yelled back, looking around. "OH, NEVER MIND, THE LIGHTS JUST TURNED ON. OH! THERE'S A PLATE OF COOKIES!"

"WHAT FLAVOR ARE THEY?" Tyler yelled.

Owen paused as he took a bite. "I DON'T KNOW. THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS ARE NEON BLUE AND THEY TASTE LIKE A FEELING I'VE NEVER ATE BEFORE."

"WHAT?" Tyler banged on the door desperately. A strange blue crate fell from the roof of the chamber to the top of Tyler's head, causing him to fall to the floor.

"Hey, that's an alien artifact!" Noah approached the box. He tried to pick it up, but failed.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Okay, so I don't have Tyler's abnormally strong fingers," Noah sighed. "Or really any physical strength at all. Heh."**

"Hey, lover boy, can you give me a hand?" Noah looked up to find Duncan was gone. "Duncan? Hello?"

Heather stumbled upon a strange-looking portal, filled with a swirling blue liquid. She gently poked her finger at the strange liquid, and immediately found it impossible to get it back. Slowly, the portal began sucking her entire hand in, then her arm.

"HELP!" Heather called desperately, before her whole head was shoved into the portal. On the other side was a bizarre sight - a daycare classroom, operated by Chef.

"Okay, kids, it's time for lunch!" Chef said, dressed in a nice shirt and khakis.

"Lunch? Oh boy!" A small toddler who looked suspiciously similar to Owen ran ahead of his very familiar-looking classmates to the lunch tables.

"Hey, who's that lady on the ceiling?" a toddler that greatly resembled Noah asked, pointing curiously at Heather.

Back in the storage facility, Courtney watched Heather get sucked into this portal. "I need her vote to get rid of Gwen," she told herself as she grabbed Heather's leg, pulling her out of the portal.

The Queen Bee shuddered, before glaring at Courtney. "Took your sweet time, huh?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Courtney couldn't help but giggle.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **The rack in London all over again," Heather frowned.**

"Don't think I don't know what you're up to, by the way," Heather frowned. "You're being uncharacteristically laid back about this challenge. And I have to remind you, I'm not going to take pity on you forever."

"You won't need to," Courtney shrugged. "Next time we lose and Gwen's gone, I'll never ask anything like this of you again."

"Funny. Like you had a choice," Heather rolled her eyes as she continued walking, looking for alien artifacts small enough to carry.

"Try not to get sucked into any more portals," Courtney yelled back - a little too loudly. She quickly jumped behind some boxes just before some security ran through, looking back and forth before leaving.

As Gwen sadly walked through the mountains of boxes, ducking occasionally to avoid Area 51 security personnel, she bumped into a familiar delinquent. Both looked happy to see each other.

"Thank goodness it's you," Gwen sighed.

"I get that a lot," Duncan teased.

"Look, the kiss was amazing. And so was the second one. But I still can't help but feel guilty for how everything turned out."

"I know what you mean," Duncan agreed. "I really should have broken up with Courtney. But the minute I got back on the plane she was all over me, pestering me and lecturing me but then hugging me and saying how much she missed me. I never had a minute to do it."

"I understand," Gwen nodded. "I get why things turned out the way they did. I just really, really wish they didn't."

"Hey," Duncan grabbed her hands. "We have each other, right?"

"Yeah," Gwen looked past Duncan, zoning out in thought.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **This whole thing is really getting to Gwen," Duncan sighed. "Obviously I'm getting flack for it too, but I've gotten flack for my every move for my whole life. I don't think Gwen is used to having everyone out to get her."**

Tyler was finally conscious enough to pick up the large, metallic cube for Noah.

"Victory class, here we come!" Noah smiled.

"Hang on there, man, we can't leave Owen locked up," Tyler reminded the bookworm. "I never leave a man behind."

Noah nodded, as the two looked back at the chamber.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **This is where Tyler reminds me that he's not just a caveman, he's a caveman with a conscience," Noah frowned. "Voting him off is gonna be rough."**

Before either of them could say another word, the box Tyler was holding started shaking violently. Tyler dropped it and both of them braced for another explosion. Instead, a strange, small Martian-looking alien appeared, joined soon after by an identical companion. The aliens eyed Noah and Tyler curiously.

Neither boy moved, frozen with shock and fear, until one of the aliens appeared to smile and hold out a finger. Noah watched with awe as Tyler held out his own hand, in a majestic display of contact between worlds.

Seconds later, the alien pounced on Tyler's face. The jock ran in circles, frantically screaming as the alien electrocuted him. Noah looked at the other alien and made a run for it, but the alien pinned him to the ground, giving him a massive electric shock as well. Both boys screamed in pain.

A few mountains of boxes away, Cody smiled triumphantly. "Look at these weird pod things! They look light enough to carry!" he boasted to Sierra and Ezekiel.

Sierra observed the strange, banana-shaped pods in front of them. Her look of curiosity turned into a smile. "Right you are, Codykins! First class is ours!"

Cody reached forward to touch one, and was met with a small electric shock. He winced, sucking his finger in his mouth as the pods began to vibrate. Suddenly, they burst open, and out emerged a half a dozen Cody clones, with green eyes glaring daggers at the group.

Ezekiel and Cody were horrified, but Sierra looked as though she was in Heaven. "LOOK AT ALL THESE CODYS!" the fangirl danced around, confusing the six Cody clones. Finally, she let loose a fangirl scream so shrill it shook the clones to their core, eventually exploding their heads and coating Cody, Sierra, and Ezekiel in green goop.

Duncan caught up with the rest of his team, watching Noah and Tyler squirm and scream frantically. He rolled his eyes, punching the alien attacking Tyler's face. The alien exploded into teal goop, to Tyler's disgust. Some of the goop went flying into the control panel of the chamber, short-circuiting it. The garage door slid open, and Owen emerged, with bizarre clown makeup all over his face and a large plate of cookies in his hand.

"Owen, what's the matter with your face?" Tyler asked.

Owen felt his face and recoiled in horror. Back in the plane, Chris and Chef laughed. The former took out a walkie-talkie. "Thanks, General! That was _hilarious!"_

"Duncan, get this alien off me!" Noah pleaded, as the alien continued electrocuting Noah mercilessly.

"Ah, maybe we should let it wear itself out," Duncan grinned at the bookworm, taking his sweet time.

Owen quickly ran over and pried the alien off of him. He held it squirming in his grasp like an angry puppy being lifted off the ground. "Someone get rid of this thing!"

Duncan grabbed a cardboard box from the mountain of boxes and scooped up the alien in it. "One intact alien artifact, to go."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" Tyler grabbed the box and made a run for the exit. Noah gave Duncan a dirty look as the two ran after him. Owen took up the rear, still clutching his plate of cookies.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Something about this challenge has helped me figure out who my true friends are, and who my true enemies are," Noah deadpanned.**

"The boys are leaving!" Heather realized, watching Team Chris dash out the hole in the wall. "Do we have _anything?"_

Cody, Sierra, and Ezekiel approached, coated in green goop. They all shook their heads. Courtney desperately tried to conceal her joy. "Oh, no! We have no artifacts!"

"Not so fast!" Gwen said, dragging along the alien-summoning metal box that Team Chris had abandoned.

"Alright, Gwen!" Cody cheered.

"Ugh, fine," Sierra sighed. As the strongest member of her team physically, she lifted the box up and began the run to the exit. The rest of the team followed, and Courtney growled.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Gwen can only delay the inevitable for so long," Courtney warned.**

"Hustle, guys," Duncan warned, peering over his shoulder to see Team Amazon approaching.

"No worries, Duncan, we got this in the bag," Tyler predicted triumphantly. No sooner had the last word left his lips than the unlucky jock stepped on a landmine, flying through the air and landing at Chris' feet. He held up a crushed box.

The host took a glance at its contents. "One box of deceased alien. That doesn't seem like an intact artifact to me."

The rest of Team Chris had arrived at the plane, and unhappily accepted their defeat as Team Amazon approached.

"Well, another elimination ceremony for Team Chris," Duncan looked at Noah. "And I think we all know how it's gonna go down."

"Cheer up, guys! You should have one of my cookies, they make you feel feelings you've never felt before! WOO!" Owen offered one of his bizarre, neon-sprinkled cookies to the group.

"Owen! You big, hungry _genius!"_ Noah gasped, taking the cookie from Owen and handing it to Chris for inspection. "This is an _alien_ cookie!"

Chris observed the strangely-colored cookie, cautiously taking a bite. His eyes widened, and he shuddered. "Right you are, Noah! This cookie is certainly not of this world. Team I Am So Smoking Hot wins!"

Owen brought Noah in for a victory hug, Duncan's eyes widened with pleasant surprise, and Tyler offered a weak thumbs-up from his faceplant.

Team Amazon arrived only a few short seconds later. The looks of enthusiasm on the faces of Team Chris told them everything they needed to hear.

"Everyone get on the plane!" Chris smiled. "It's elimination ceremony time for Team Amazon!"

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **About time," Noah rolled his eyes.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Oh, Gwen," Duncan frowned with concern.**

As some interns catered to Tyler's injuries, Owen and Noah clinked two soda bottles together.

"First class, baby!" Owen cheered, downing his soda in a single gulp and releasing a belch Immediately afterwards.

"Gotta say, I had forgotten how comfy these seats were," Noah agreed.

"I'm going to watch the elimination ceremony," Duncan walked down the aisle in between the rows. "Noah, why don't you take this time to talk _strategy_ with Owen?"

Noah looked from Duncan's knowing expression to the unconscious Tyler. Duncan did not wait for an answer as he left the room.

"What's our strategy?" Owen asked Noah.

Noah sighed. "Well, Duncan and I were talking about maybe . . . voting off _Tyler_ next."

Owen and Noah both looked at the unconscious jock. "Oh."

"Yeah, but . . . well, to be honest, I'm not sure, and I think we'll just have to wait and see who we should vote off next," Noah decided. "We just won, let's give ourselves some rest."

"Haha, great idea, little buddy!" Owen agreed. Another intern rolled out a cart filled to the brim with burgers, fries, and pizza. Owen drooled at the sight. "SWEET JFK AT A JUNIOR PROM, AN AREA 51 AMERICAN FEAST!"

He dove in immediately, as Noah looked out the window.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I'm not telling Owen to do** _ **anything**_ **just yet," Noah frowned. "Let's wait to see how next challenge goes."**

Duncan stood behind one of the elimination area's decorative tikis - ironically the same place Gwen had been hiding to make sure he was safe in the previous elimination ceremony.

But now the roles were reversed. Team Amazon sat in two rows. Courtney grinned maniacally at Gwen, Ezekiel's teeth chattered nervously, Cody looked at Gwen with concern, Sierra clutched Cody with worry, Heather simply crossed her arms with a smile on her face, and Gwen held a poker face.

Chris smiled at Team Amazon. "I have read and reviewed the stamped passports. Whoever received the most votes will have to grab a parachute and take the drop of shame, never to return. So who's it gonna be?"

"Gwen. It's obviously going to be Gwen," Courtney spoke up. Duncan silently snarled from behind the tiki.

"Easy, tiger," Chris smiled. "Let's go through who's definitely safe first. Heather, Cody, Sierra, and, for the first time ever, Ezekiel."

"Y-Yes! YES!" Ezekiel cheered happily, hugging Cody, Sierra, and Heather, the latter who pushed him off with a glare.

Chris' eyes went from Gwen to Courtney in a suspenseful silence. Finally, he spoke. "I know we did this in the Amazon, but I really want to see the votes. So let's do that!"

Chris took a remote from his pocket and turned on a wall-mounted monitor.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

 **Cody stamped a passport and held it up to the camera - a picture of Courtney. "I'm not afraid of you, Courtney! I love Gwen with all my heart and I won't let her go down without a fight!"**

Cody chuckled nervously as Courtney shot him a glare. Gwen offered him a friendly smile, visibly grateful for his loyalty.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Gwuncan is controversial and often popular!" Sierra explained. "But, that being said, I'm not a fan of how it happened. Poor Courtney! So, bye-bye, Gwen!" Sierra stamped Gwen's passport.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Cody told me to vote for Courtney, and she's also super scary, eh, so I'm doin' that," Ezekiel stamped the passport with a picture of Courtney on it.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Courtney is annoying, but Gwen - that was just a terrible thing to do," Heather stamped a picture of Gwen. "Girls need to look out for each other!"**

"That's the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard from you!" Gwen protested, before regaining her composure and sitting down.

"You heard Heather, she made her choice," Courtney defended the Queen Bee, while glaring at Ezekiel. She appeared to be a bit nervous by the fact that the votes were currently tied.

"Let's see the thrilling conclusion, shall we?" Chris resumed the votes.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

 **Courtney scoffed. "This is the easiest vote in the entire history of 'Total Drama.' In close second will be Duncan's inevitable elimination."**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

 **Gwen sat and reviewed her options. "I keep thinking about the best thing to do here, and I always come back to the same realization - what I did was awful. Just awful. Not dating Duncan, I refuse to apologize for that. He was miserable with Courtney."**

 **She sighed. "I just regret how it happened. No one deserves to be cheated on, especially not by a trusted friend. And I know nothing I can do will be able to undo the damage I've done, so . . . so . . . I'm voting for myself."**

 **Gwen held up her own stamped passport. "I think I need to be out of here before Courtney can even begin to feel comfortable again."**

The entire team, sans Courtney, stared at Gwen with shock.

Courtney stood up, prepared to do a victory dance, but couldn't bring herself to do so. She just stared at Gwen like everyone else did.

"I did _not_ see that coming!" Sierra whistled, as Gwen accepted a parachute from Chris.

Cody stood up abruptly, rushing over to Gwen. "Gwen, I -"

"Gwen!" Duncan pushed Cody aside, staring into Gwen's eyes.

"Duncan, I-I'm sorry. I just can't get over what we did, and . . . I know quitting is the coward's way out and all, but -"

Duncan put a finger over Gwen's mouth. "You're not a coward, Gwen. In fact, I'd say this is a noble side I never thought I'd see before. Never pinned you as the noble type."

Gwen smirked, and opened her mouth for another kiss. This, however, was Courtney's breaking point. She stood up and marched over to the exit.

"Courtney, I . . . I . . ." Gwen searched for the words to say.

"Just . . . jump," Courtney said quietly.

Gwen closed her eyes and jumped out of the plane, Duncan watching her fall.

"I have half a mind to push _you_ out after her!" Courtney shrieked at the delinquent once again, marching back to her team, where she sat with her arms crossed. Duncan trudged out of the elimination area.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **That was supposed to feel** _ **amazing!"**_ **Courtney sighed bitterly. "WHY DIDN'T THAT FEEL AMAZING?!"**

"Courtney should be counting her blessings - she could be the next one to go!" Chris laughed at his seat in the cockpit. "Will this be the case? Will Tyler be the next target? Has everyone forgotten about Heather? Will Duncan pull a Gwen and vote himself out of the plane? You know, I've been with these kids for over a year now, and even _I_ have no idea what could happen next! You'll have to tune in next time, on _Total! Drama! World Tour!"_

 **The contestant count goes from ten to nine as we have our first divergent elimination! Next up we have Australia, where both teams will find themselves reeling from the fallout of Gwen's elimination. Will new relationships be formed? Who will be the next target on Team Amazon? And, for that matter, who will be the next target on Team Chris? Find out next time! As always, thank you very much for reading!**

 **Oh, and I hope you appreciated Heather's crossover into perhaps a familiar dimension . . . haha!**


	4. Picnic at Hanging Dork

**Welcome to Australia, mate!**

 **As always, thank you for all the kind reviews! Really glad people seemed to like the little crossover … I rewatched TDWT recently and could not help but wonder where Heather stuck her head into when she was partly sucked into that portal, so I came up with my own idea, haha.**

 **This next episode will be the first instance so far of the musical number sort of changing from canon. You'll see later on in the chapter, it's not that big a change.**

 **But without further ado, let's see what kind of shenanigans our final nine contestants get themselves up to …**

Water from an unknown source dripped down from the ceiling in economy class. A drop landed on the head of Heather, who groaned. "It's like a storm in here," she complained. "I hope you're happy, Courtney. We lost. Gwen is eliminated. You got what you wanted."

Sitting on the other end of the room, Courtney silently looked out the window, deep in thought.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I think I got what I wanted," Courtney reasoned. "Yeah. Gwen's gone. Alright. Now the other team needs to give Duncan the boot and we'll be good to go." She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat, as if unable to convince herself that she got what she wanted.**

Meanwhile, Cody gave Courtney a fierce glare. Sierra noticed the expression of anger on Cody's face, and gave him a tight hug.

"Oh Codykins, are you excited to find out where we're going next?" the fangirl asked. "I hope it's Paris again … I didn't get to appreciate the city of love when we were there, hehe."

"If we're going anywhere again, I wish it was Area 51," Cody replied. "Maybe Gwen is still there."

"Whoa, we can go _back_ to places we've already been, eh?" Ezekiel asked, awestruck. "That changes everything!"

"Um, no, we can't," Heather rolled her eyes. "Suck it up, Cody. Gwen's gone. Oh well. The rest of us are a step closer to a million bucks."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Heather's annoying, but it's because of stupid** _ **Courtney**_ **that Gwen is gone," Cody scowled. "If I was as crazy as her, I would throw the next challenge so we could vote her off. But two things prevent me from doing that … one, it would make me a target, and two … economy class** _ **really sucks."**_

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **With Gwen gone, and with my only female competition being Courtney and Heather, it's only a matter of time before Codykins falls head-over-heels for me!" Sierra squealed giddily.**

In first class, Noah read a book when he heard a loud thump from the aisle. He looked up to see Tyler, on the ground.

"Ow!" the jock groaned, clutching his leg. He winced as he stood up. "Okay, I got this."

"Take it easy, there, Tyler," Noah quipped. "You're already not using much brain power, physical prowess is all you've really got going for you."

"Ha, ha," Tyler rolled his eyes.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I may not know what 'prowess' means, but there's no need to let him know that," Tyler admitted.**

"I screwed up my leg real bad when I stepped on that mine in Area 51," Tyler winced again as he tried to put weight on his leg. "I gotta be careful with it."

"Whoa, it's not broken, is it?" Owen asked worriedly.

"Nah, it's only a little bit banged up," Tyler insisted. He let go of the chairs he was using for support, and managed to stand for a few seconds, before falling again. Owen and Noah winced for him.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Voting him off could be an act of mercy," Noah grimaced.**

"I'm gonna be fine, trust me, guys," Tyler stood up again, taking a seat. "I just gotta take it easy on using my leg for the next challenge."

"Yeah, I'm sure doing a challenge without your legs in this show will be a piece of cake," Noah rolled his eyes.

"You really think so? Alright!" Tyler cheered, missing the sarcasm.

"Hey, Tyler …" Owen said cautiously. "I never got to thank you for coming back for me last challenge."

"Ah, no mention it, Owen," Tyler dismissed. "You look out for each other on a team. I'm sure you guys will help me with my leg.

"That sounds like a liability, meathead," a fourth voice rang out. Duncan emerged from the shadows at the end of first class.

"Oh, hey, Duncan," Noah reverted to his usual deadpan. "Hanging out in shadows again?"

"Actually, little buddy, I was eavesdropping on the other team," Duncan laughed. "They're a total mess! All of them are angry, but there's nothing to take their anger out on, so I'll bet Courtney will be the next to go! Good riddance."

"Yeah, if the girl I cheated on was still hanging around, I'd want her gone, too," Noah quipped.

Duncan fake-laughed obnoxiously loudly, before getting up in Noah's face. "You want to end up like jockstrap over there with a busted leg?"

"Tyler's got it pretty good, actually," Noah shot back. "Chance at a million bucks, hot girlfriend … _great friends."_

Duncan squinted at the bookworm.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **That little twerp is threatening me. Unbelievable," Duncan scoffed. "I was just** _ **messing around!**_ **If they vote with Tyler I'm out of here, so this behavior really ain't gonna fly."**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I don't have any horses in the race when it comes to the Courtney-Gwen-Duncan thing," Noah rolled his eyes. "Sure, I would have broken up with Courtney first, but I don't actually** _ **care**_ **. Duncan needs to learn that I'm just a sarcastic guy. Shocking, I know."**

The delinquent backed off, giving Noah a fierce glare. Tyler laughed, not seeing any of this. "Ha, yeah! I _do_ have it pretty good!"

"Yeah, you do," Duncan agreed solemnly. "For now."

"Attention, passengers!" came Chris' booming voice over the loudspeaker. "We are approaching our next destination! So, buckle up, because we're landing, and things are about to get _bumpy!"_

Not a second after Chris' message finished, the contestants were shaken up and down in the air as the plane came into contact with bumpy terrain. The nine teens clutched their seats desperately - though, in Team Amazon's case, they failed to grip their steel benches and thrashed wildly.

After a few minutes of this torment, the plane finally, and mercifully, slowed down and stopped. Team Amazon left the plane first, followed by Team Chris.

"After you, Meathead," Duncan gestured for Tyler to walk out of the plane.

Tyler swallowed a lump in his throat. "Uhhhhh …"

"I got you, buddy!" Owen hoisted his injured teammate over his shoulder. "WOO HOO! TEAM CHRIS FOR THE WIN!"

Noah stood up with a smirk. "You know it, big guy!"

Duncan rolled his eyes he followed his teammates out of the plane.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **As somebody who's been to juvie more times than either of his parents care to remember, loyalty is one of the attributes I most respect," Duncan confessed. He shrugged. "If we're gonna drag Tyler through the challenge, that's actually fine by me… as much as I hate to say it, the lug deserves my respect after he didn't blab about me and Gwen. And it works both ways, too. If we drag him through the contest and still lose, I don't have to trick anyone into voting him off."**

"G'day, contestants, and welcome to the land down under!" Chris said in a stereotypical Australian accent. The teens stood under the hot Australian sun in an expansive desert.

"We're really just hopping from desert to desert here, aren't we?" Heather noted sarcastically.

"The Australian desert and the Mojave desert are actually very different," Chris informed. "For example, the Mojave desert doesn't have the emus that will make up today's challenge!"

"The _what,_ eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"The emu," Chris continued, "is a large flightless bird native to Australia. You must catch an emu and ride it to Hanging Rock." With this, the host pointed to a rock formation very far off onto the horizon. "It's about a two day's ride, so make sure you stay hydrated!"

"Do you have water to give us?" Tyler asked.

"I do not," Chris replied, drinking a refreshing bottle of water. Chef brought forth a myriad of emus, led by a rope, and let go. The birds ran all over the desert in front of them, starting the challenge.

"I call this one, eh!" Ezekiel approached an emu that eyed him carefully. Ezekiel took a deep breath and gave the bird a soothing massage on its back. "Shhhh, it's alright, eh. You don't have to worry about me. I just need a lift, eh. Is that alright?"

The emu nodded its head happily, sitting down so that Ezekiel could hop on. The rest of the contestants watched in shock.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I've spent my whole life on a farm, so from the day I was born I've known chickens, and how to deal with 'em, eh," Ezekiel beamed proudly. "Turns out emus aren't all that different."**

Inspired by Ezekiel, Cody walked triumphantly over to a nervous-looking emu. "Hey, pal. How's about letting the Codemeister take a ride?"

The emu squawked at him, spit in his face, and ran off.

"CODY!" Sierra wailed, chasing down the emu for him. Cody rolled his eyes.

Noah found an emu hiding in the brush and managed to surprise it, jumping and hanging on for dear life as it stood up and tried to shake him off in fear.

In their panic, two emus ran directly into one another, falling to the floor. Owen approached them, Tyler still slung over his shoulder. "Perfect!"

As he hopped on, though, Chris walked over. "Owen, if you need to use two emus to account for your … larger-than-life personality, that's all good, but Tyler here needs to find his own emu."

"He can have one of mine!" Owen assured, looking down at the emus. "I'm sure one emu will be enough to support me!" The emu that Owen was looking at grew a look of horror on its face.

"Nah, don't sweat it, Owen!" Tyler replied. "I can get my own emu!" He carefully hopped off of Owen's shoulder and limped over to a tired emu. "You're mine now, birdbrain!" As he lurched forward, he let out a shriek of pain and fell to the floor again, clutching his leg. The emu ran off, right into Duncan.

The delinquent looked at Tyler as he howled in pain, before hopping on the emu that had ran away from him and riding off towards Hanging Rock. This did not go unnoticed by Noah.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **How very sportsmanlike of Duncan," the bookworm quipped, shaking his head in disapproval.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Look, I'm all for loyalty, but the fact still stands that I'm the biggest target on my team," said a guilty-looking Duncan. "Maybe we won't even do an elimination and Tyler will get booted off for medical reasons."**

Heather managed to wrestle herself an emu, and as she gained her footing she looked to see Ezekiel whispering something to his emu as he rubbed its lower neck. The emu suddenly squawked loudly, and another emu ran in and picked up Tyler.

"Homeschool! What are you doing?!" Heather asked furiously.

"He looked like he needed help, eh," Ezekiel shrugged.

"Who cares? He's not on our team!"

A little further in the distance, Courtney, who had found herself an emu as well, listened to this conversation.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I'm not stupid. I know that basically throwing the last challenge has put a big target on my back," Courtney reasoned. "If I can shift the hatred of the team to someone else, it would be great. And I know that both Heather and Zeke could find themselves on the chopping block if I play my cards right."**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **The other team cares about Tyler more than Duncan does," Noah noted.**

By this point, everyone had an emu, and the trek to Hanging Rock began.

"Hey, Duncan?"

"I don't have time for this, little buddy," Duncan groaned, expecting the scrawny figure catching up to him to be Noah. However, he was instead startled to see Cody. "Oh. Cody?"

"Things are pretty bad on my team right now," Cody started off. "Ezekiel is pretty much the most bearable person to be around, but there's no one I can't stand more than Courtney, and no one I miss more than Gwen. That's why I feel like we have something in common."

Duncan nodded slowly. "What are you getting at?"

"I want to help you win today so my team can vote off Courtney," Cody said bluntly.

Duncan was taken aback. "W-Wow, I gotta say, I never took you for a strategist."

"I could say the same about you, but I really could use your help," Cody looked around nervously to make sure no one was listening. "I don't know Courtney as well as you do, can you give me any pointers to get her out of the game?"

The delinquent pondered. "Hmmm … well, she hates green jelly. Not having control drives her totally crazy. But if you ask me, you don't have to do much. She's already the biggest target on your team."

"That makes sense," Cody nodded. "Okay. Er, thanks."

"Yeah, don't mention it," Duncan said, weirded out as Cody rode on ahead.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Did that conversation actually just happen?" Duncan asked rhetorically. "Never thought I'd ever be helping Cody, but the dork's got a good point. We both hate Courtney."**

Ezekiel whistled a folk song as his emu walked along the desert. The emu nudged the prairie boy slightly, whining. "What's that, eh? You want some water? We can stop for water."

He led the emu over to a small stream and allowed it to take a drink. He dismounted and drank some himself. As the boy and his emu drank, Courtney rode up. Her thirsty emu licked its beak at the sight of water, but Courtney did not let it walk forward.

"Hey, Zeke," Courtney eyed him carefully.

"Oh, hey, Courtney," Ezekiel smiled meekly. "You should let your emu have a drink, eh, it looks thirsty."

"I'll worry about my own emu, thank you. If I recall correctly, you voted for me in Nevada."

"I don't know where Nevada is."

Courtney gritted her teeth. " _Area 51."_

"Ohhhh. Uh, heh, maybe?"

"Just wanted to double check," Courtney smiled. "Remind me of your thoughts on women, again?"

"Uhhhh …"

"No, no, it's okay. We'll talk later," Courtney shot him another smile, and forced her thirsty emu onwards.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **That had to be a trick question, eh," Ezekiel was sure.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **The animal rights people are** _ **not**_ **going to like this episode," Chris swallowed a lump in his throat. Chef shook his head solemnly.**

"Slow down, emu!" Noah struggled to hold on to his sprinting bird. "I mean, keep going fast, don't get me wrong, I want to win, but, like, pace yourself!"

Heather rode on her emu a bit further behind the bookworm, and rolled her eyes.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I know Noah is crafty and sneaky, enough to vote off the biggest manipulator in the game aside from yours truly," Heather sighed. "But I'm finding it harder and harder to see him as a threat. He's just so … physically pathetic. Unlike Alejandro …"**

 **She looked up with admiration on her face, though it barely lasted a second before she glared at the camera. "Because, you know, he could hold his own. That's why I respected him. That's the only reason."**

Ezekiel's emu began groaning, and the homeschool leaned in. "What's wrong, eh?" The emu gestured towards some brush nearby. As Ezekiel directed his emu towards the brush, he was met with the sight of a baby emu sitting in a nest. "Oh, you want to take care of your kid, eh? Yeah, take your time."

Chris and Chef sat boredly on the top of Hanging Rock, Chef carving himself a didgeridoo as they waited.

"How long has it been, now?" Chris asked tiredly, as he sunbathed with an intern giving him a foot massage. "Waiting up here is _literally torture."_

Chef rolled his eyes and checked his watch. "It's been about forty-three hours."

"Seriously?" Chris groaned. "When do the contestants get here?"

"They should be showing up within the next few hours."

"Uggghhhhhh," Chris shooed the intern off of his foot and leaned in a little closer to a large air conditioning unit right next to him. "I guess you gotta suffer for the money, huh?"

"Speaking of money, I was hoping we could have a discussion about my salary," Chef segued.

Chris suddenly stood up. "Whoa, someone's coming!" he said loudly, purposefully ignoring Chef as he pointed down the mountain.

An emu charged up the mountain and stopped short, hurling Noah into a tree. He elicited a groan of pain.

"That was emu sure was in a rush to get rid of you," Chris joked. Noah offered a muffled sarcastic response. "And looks like you've got company!"

Heather's emu dropped her off nonchalantly, followed by Cody's emu and Sierra's shortly after.

"I could have sworn I'd lost her," Cody whispered to Heather, who simply shook her head pitifully.

Another emu approached carrying Duncan, who approached Noah as he rested under the tree, book in hand.

"Taking a nap, little buddy?" Duncan asked, before taking a step back. "Whoa, what happened to your face?"

Noah's face was red and bruised. "I had a frank meeting with this tree."

"Man, between your face and Tyler's leg, we're starting to become Team Freakshow," Duncan laughed. Noah rolled his eyes and resumed reading.

"Looks like we're still missing Owen, Tyler, Courtney, and Ezekiel," Chris counted. "I don't know if I mentioned this, but whoever manages to get their entire team here first wins a handy reward that will help in the next part of the challenge."

Two exhausted emus walked slowly up the mountain, dropping off a shirtless Owen before collapsing from exhaustion.

Chris eyed Chef nervously. "You should give those emus some water or something, or we're never going to hear the end of it." Chef nodded and scooped the emus up from under Owen, running off somewhere.

"WOO HOO!" Owen cheered excitedly. "Man, that was fun! A slow, forty-hour hike through a desert with few sights except for the occasional wild animal and nowhere to rest but the backs of two tired emus!"

"Owen, you are the only person I have ever met who could say that and not be sarcastic," Noah shook his head.

"Aw, come on, little buddy! You gotta be positive!"

"Yeah, little buddy, be positive," Duncan chuckled. Noah sighed and went back to reading, as Duncan stared off into the distance. "Come on, Tyler, where are you?"

Courtney rode her very bitter-looking emu up the mountain. When she stopped, the emu launched her off. "Ouch! Rude!"

"Courtney, what did you do to make your emu so mad?" Chris laughed, before turning serious. "We actually have to know so we can't be liable for any animal abuse lawsuits."

"Oh, nothing. My emu is mad because I made it go so long without _drinking,"_ Courtney rolled her eyes. "The weak thing couldn't even tough it out before it started wobbling. I had to have a break just so it could have a _drink!_ If anything, _I_ should be the one who's angry!" The CIT glared at her emu, scaring it away.

"Talk about ungrateful," Cody and Duncan both retorted at the same time. They looked at each other peculiarly, and Owen and Noah also looked up to gaze weirdly at them.

"Why's everyone so quiet, huh?" Courtney asked, dedicated a glare to Duncan in particular.

"This may sound shocking, but maybe not everyone has something to say about you," Duncan shot back.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Credit where it's due, that was some nice use of sarcasm," Noah smiled.**

"I KNOW THAT, YOU BRUTE! UGH!" Courtney went to attack him, but was once again held back by Sierra. "YOUR TEAM IS GOING DOWN!"

"We'll see about that," Cody grinned cheekily. Heather gave the geek a weird look, though she didn't hear what he had mumbled.

"We're still waiting on Ezekiel and -"

Chris was interrupted by a scream, which was elicited as Tyler was flung from his emu. Fortunately, he landed on his feet, though this didn't mean much as the contestants waited for him to fall on his face. The jock's legs wobbled, but he maintained his balance.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I don't know if it was the sun, or the two days of rest, but my leg feels great!" Tyler clutched his previously injured leg. "Tyler is back in it to win it, baby! Haha!"**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Great, there goes the only sensible reason to vote him off," Duncan groaned, before furrowing his brow in thought. "Although … if Cody's plan works, that might not be an issue tonight."**

"The entirety of Team I Am So Amazingly Incredibly Hot is here!" Chris reported. "Which means they win this electric razor!"

As Chris handed Owen the electric razor, Duncan stepped forward. "What's it good for?"

"It's good for shearing sheep!" Chris explained, gesturing to a bungee cord on the edge of Hanging Rock. "Teams must tie a member to a rope and have them dive down to grab a sheep from the pen at the foot of the cliff. The sheep must then be brought back up and sheared. In that pen, three sheep have a Team Amazon logo branded on their backs, and three have a Team Me logo branded on their backs. Whoever can find a sheep with their logo on it wins immunity, and whoever doesn't is sending someone packing tonight."

"Um, unfair much?" Heather gestured to the electric razor. "How are we supposed to shear the sheep if we don't even have anything to shear with?"

"Why don't you shear with your big gold tooth, Princess?" Duncan mocked.

Heather rolled her eyes at this comeback, but Courtney's glare intensified as she realized Duncan had just used her nickname on Heather.

"Team Amazon can have these shears," Chris held out a pair of shears, only to whisk them away at the last second before Courtney could grab them. "But only _after_ Ezekiel gets here. Until then, you guys can't start the challenge."

"OH, COME ON!" Courtney screamed in frustration. "Ezekiel is _so dead."_ Sierra simply stared at her with curiosity.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Losing won't be so hard after all!" Cody laughed. "Although, I have to make sure Ezekiel isn't on the chopping block. But if I have my vote and Sierra's vote, we can get Courtney out of here!"**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Why didn't I think of this before?" Sierra giggled. "The merge is coming up, and as someone who's watched every episode of 'Total Drama' a billion times, I know that there's power in numbers. Courtney would be an incredible ally to have! She doesn't have Heather's pure villainy but she does have her sense of strategy! Cody will be so happy to hear that I found us our first ally!" The fangirl clapped giddily.**

"So, we can start without having to wait for the girls?" Tyler asked.

"Of course you can!" Chris smiled. "Right after …" The familiar chime of a bell garnered the same reaction it always did - groans of disappointment from all present. "Only Team Me has to sing. Get going!"

Owen, Noah, Duncan, and Tyler looked at each other before a rock beat kicked up.

"Shearing sheep, don't be a creep," Noah glared at Duncan. "It's the only way we'll fly first, peeps." He then looked to Tyler with a look of dread on his face. "Win the game, it's all the same, vote with Duncan or my face he'll maim." Tyler looked back with confusion.

"Shearing sheep, and with a smile, make yourself a giant woolly, woolly, woolly pile!" Duncan sneered at Noah. "You had your vote, and Chris saved my hide, so don't sit here and pretend you cried!"

"We are shearing sheep! We are shearing sheep!" the four boys sang as though they were a boy band, with Noah as lead singer, Duncan on lead guitar, Tyler on drums, and Owen on bass guitar - still shirtless, of course. "We are shearing sheep! We are shearing sheep!"

"Shearing sheep instead of you, only 'cause you don't have any tattoos," Duncan teased Noah.

"I'll find the logo, we'll win again, and I'll be here until the bitter end," Noah challenged back.

"We are shearing sheep! We are shearing sheep!" the group continued, though now Noah and Duncan stared each other down and Owen and Tyler looked worriedly between the two. "We are shearing …"

Owen slammed his guitar onto the floor. "YEEEAAAAHHHHH!"

"Great song, guys," Chris smiled. " _Now_ you may jump."

"Who wants to go first?" Noah asked.

"I've got this, guys!" Tyler immediately grabbed the cord. He tied it around his waist and jumped down, screaming all the way. He bounced back up with a sheep in hand. "Alright, nailed it!"

"Nice going," Noah nodded. "Owen, start shearing."

Heather glared at the boys as they sheared. "Ugh, that could be us right now."

"No, it couldn't," Sierra giggled. "We don't have the electric razor."

"I mean it could be _doing the challenge_ right now," Heather said. "But slowpoke Ezekiel is taking _all day_ to get here."

"Hey, cut Zeke some slack," Cody approached her. "Unless you want to end up like _her."_ Cody gestured to Courtney, who was having a very hard time keeping it together as she scowled at the Australian horizon, surveying the expansive desert for any sign of their missing teammate. "She has totally lost it."

"That's true," Heather nodded. "Now that Gwen's gone, and since she left the way she did, Courtney is going _nuts_ with feelings and whatever. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the next one to go."

"Well, hey, cut her some slack," Sierra quickly piped up. "Courtney lost her best friend and her boyfriend in the last two challenges. She's just a little shaken up, I'm sure."

"Well, she better stop 'shaking up' pretty soon, or she's history," Heather walked away from the two. Cody could barely contain his excitement at the thought of eliminating Courtney, while Sierra simply looked distraught from Courtney to Heather.

"Oh, Cody, I've been meaning to talk to you about our future in this game," Sierra said.

"Sierra, look, I don't doubt that you have some weirdly personal thing about my sleeping habits or my family life or something, but right now we need to focus on the challenge." With this, Cody walked off as well, leaving a very confused Sierra.

"What challenge?"

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I have wanted to eliminate Sierra from the beginning, but she can help me vote off that Gwen-hater Courtney," Cody sighed. "She's just the lesser of two evils right now."**

Shaving their sheep bare to find no logo, Owen took the bungee cord and prepared to jump off the cliff.

"You know what I just realized?" Noah asked. Tyler looked over, waiting for him to continue. "This _did_ end up being a challenge where you didn't really need your legs."

"Yeah, I know. You said that might happen earlier, though," Tyler pointed out.

Noah rubbed his temples. "I was being … you know what, yes. You're right. I predicted this."

Tyler's eyes widened. "Whoa."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Noah's, like,** _ **crazy smart,"**_ **Tyler noted. "I'd hate to have him on my bad side."**

Owen returned, with a hungry dingo in hand. "This sheep looks funny."

"Owen, that's a dingo!" Noah panicked. The dingo snarled at Owen, and, out of options, he chucked it back off the cliff.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Great, as if we didn't have enough on our plate with the emu people, now the** _ **dingo**_ **people are going to be filing lawsuits," Chris groaned, as Chef filled out paperwork with a worried expression on his face.**

Cody approached Sierra, whistling innocently. "Hey, Sierra, can I have a piece of your hair?"

Sierra nodded and removed a very long strand of her purple hair. As she was about to hand it to him, curiosity got the better of her. "But wait, why do you want it?"

"Um, so I can always have a piece of you in my pocket?" Cody lied, gagging internally.

"Oh, Cody," Sierra cooed. "It would only make sense to return the favor."

Cody happily took the strand of hair and waited for the fan girl to stop ogling him and turn back around to look for Ezekiel. Finally, when the coast was clear, he tied the strand of hair to two rocks on the ground. He looked up to see Duncan staring, and shot him a thumbs-up.

Duncan smiled confidently. He approached Owen, who was still shaking with fear from the dingo incident. "A for effort, big guy, but let me give it a shot," Duncan grabbed the rope. "I might actually get a sheep."

"Hehe, sorry," Owen smiled sheepishly. Duncan shot him a smirk as he jumped off.

"Can I let you guys in on a secret?" Tyler asked quickly.

"Yeah, what?" Owen replied.

"I don't trust Duncan."

"Join the club," Noah said immediately.

"Duncan's a good guy, I … I know it," Owen laughed nervously. "Sure, he may seem all mean and threatening and unhelpful, but he's got a heart of gold and he's super loyal!"

"Loyal. You mean like how he was loyal to Courtney?" Noah raised an eyebrow.

"I meant loyal more in the sense of friends," Owen laughed nervously again.

Duncan landed back on the cliff with a sheep in hand. He noted the startled looks on the faces of his teammates, and smiled confidently. "Let's get shearing, ladies."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I recognize the 'I've been talking about you' face, and I just saw it on three separate people," Duncan sighed. "But it's okay, because we're gonna win today."**

Ezekiel's emu chugged up the the mountain, dropping off the homeschool.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Courtney shrieked, scaring the emu away and causing Ezekiel to pull his hat down over his eyes in fear.

"The emu had to take care of its baby, eh," Ezekiel replied.

"Guys, there's no sense in arguing, let's just start the challenge!" Cody said.

"Whatever," Courtney walked over to Chris and grabbed the large metal shears from his hand. As she approached the cliff, Courtney tripped over a long strand of purple hair, and the shears plummeted off the cliff. "NOOOOOO!"

"Oh no!" Cody feigned a gasp. "Courtney, how could you? Those shears were our only chance of winning!"

"What the heck?" Noah squinted at the hide of the sheep he was shearing. He groaned. "Well, this one has a logo, but it's the other team's. Throw it back."

"Not so fast," Chris inspected the sheep. Indeed, the insignia of Team Amazon glistened back at him. "Team Amazon wins!"

"What?!" Duncan, Noah, and Cody all exclaimed at the same time.

"You said whichever team finds their logo wins!" Duncan argued. "Team Amazon didn't find theirs, and we didn't find ours!"

"Hm. I suppose I did say that, didn't I?" Chris agreed.

Courtney hurried over and took the sheep from a flabbergasted Team Chris, bringing it back to her team's side. "Hey, look, we found our team's logo!" she smiled.

"You sure did!" Chris nodded. "Team Amazon wins a first-class trip to our next destination, and Team Me wins another trip to the Drop of Shame!"

The contestants groaned.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I know Chris makes up the rules as he goes along, but this is a new low," Noah frowned.**

Team Amazon got comfortable in first class.

"Hey, Cody?" Sierra took a brown hair out of her pocket. "Do you want to introduce your Sierra hair to my Cody hair?"

Cody shuddered. "Um, no thanks, I'm really tired."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Maybe I should rethink my 'lesser of two evils' approach," Cody swallowed a lump in his throat, before slapping himself in the face. "No. No. Do it for Gwen."**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **When Codykins asked me for a strand of hair, I knew it was the start of a new phase in our relationship!" Sierra explained. "Who knows what could come next? Marriage? A baby Cody in the baby carriage?" She giggled with excitement.**

"Anyone want to go eavesdrop on the other team's elimination ceremony?" Heather asked.

"Nah, I'd be fine with any of those losers goin', eh," Ezekiel insisted, accepting a warm chocolate chip cookie from a stewardess.

"Don't you want to make sure your best friend Tyler stays in the game?" Heather shot back. "It's funny, you gave him an emu, and he beat you to Hanging Rock by an hour!"

Courtney listened to her team bicker with interest on her face.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I'm still narrowing down whether I should make Ezekiel or Heather the next target, but let's face it," Courtney shrugged. "One of them is just** _ **so good**_ **at making themselves a target."**

The four members of Team Chris settled into their seats silently as they waited for Chris to enter the room. Duncan looked at his teammates with his casual frown. Tyler shook nervously. Owen looked sadly at his seat. Noah gave him a look of concern.

"Owen, what's wrong?" the bookworm asked his best friend. "I don't think you're on the chopping block tonight, dude."

"Eliminations are so sad," Owen replied.

"And then there were four," Chris said dramatically as he entered the room.

"Actually, there have been four of us since Alejandro was eliminated," Noah reminded the host.

"Okay, well in a minute there's going to be three, and because of you ruining my mood, I hope it's you," Chris shot back.

"That makes two of us," Duncan rolled his eyes.

"So, I've taken a look at the votes, and let me tell ya, it was not a pretty sight," Chris shook his head. "Owen and Noah, you guys are safe at zilch."

Tyler grew increasingly nervous, while Duncan sat with the same bored expression on his face.

"Tyler, your injured leg made you a liability for a while today," Chris informed. "And Duncan, let's face it, from the second you made out with Gwen in the confessional no one on your team has trusted you."

"Just get on with it, McLean," Duncan said boredly.

"Well, fine," Chris read the votes. "Tyler, you're safe."

Tyler sighed with relief as Duncan stood up and took a parachute.

"Duncan, I'm actually sad to see you go," Chris wiped a genuine tear from his eyes, eliciting confused looks from Owen, Noah, and Tyler. "The … the ratings are going to take _such a hit_ now that we can't broadcast the relationship drama anymore!"

"Oh, give me a break," Duncan walked towards the exit. "I never wanted to come back here, and now I'm happy to be leaving." He gave a smirk to the rest of his team. "See the rest of you losers later." With this, he jumped out of the plane.

As Chris left the room to do the outro, Noah crept over to the passports. His eyes widened. "Whoa."

"What is it?" Owen asked.

"It was unanimous," the bookworm said in disbelief.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Owen and Tyler are great players, but neither of them are smart enough to rig the votes," Noah pondered. "So did Duncan really … ?"**

"Hey, guys, guess what?" Chris returned, a tape in hand.

"You're admitting your age by the fact that you still use cassette tapes?" Noah quipped.

"For your information, this tape is going to make things interesting," Chris slid the tape into a player, and the monitor on the wall blared up to life.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **McLean, I want this confessional edited in right after the ceremony, okay? And don't show it to anybody on the plane," Duncan stared at the camera. "The ceremony's in a few minutes. I know I messed with Tyler too much to win him over, and I overplayed my hand with Noah. Alright, you hear me? I'm admitting a mistake."**

 **He sighed. "So, I figure I'll vote for myself. Go out the way Gwen did. It's what I deserve, the way I see it. I showed up, made a little hurricane in my wake, and now I'm hopping out." He sighed again, genuinely. "So, uh, I guess I'm sorry, to everyone I hurt. To, um, one person in particular."**

 **This genuine display of emotion was too far for him, and he went back to his calm, cool, and collected demeanor. "So, yeah, y'know, there's way cooler things for me to be doing than sitting around on this lame plane with a bunch of lame people. I gotta go hang out with Gwen, and my boys Geoff and DJ. Life is about to get good again."**

 **He smirked as he finished up, standing. "And for the record, if my dude Owen doesn't win this time around … and I never thought I'd say this … I'm rooting for Cody. Keep fighting, dork. Duncan - out."**

Chris turned off the TV in the elimination area, as Noah, Owen, and Tyler stared, slack-jawed, at the rare sight of Duncan displaying his true feelings.

"You know what, Owen?" Noah sighed. "You were right. There is some good in Duncan."

"Team Chris shall keep fighting in the good name of Duncan!" Tyler said dramatically, bringing his hand in to a small circle.

"Alright, I mean, he's not _dead,"_ Noah rolled his eyes.

Owen and a reluctant Noah brought their hands in, leading Tyler to smile. "'Duncan' on three, alright? One, two, three!"

"Duncan!" Tyler, Owen, and Noah threw their hands up.

"Well, would you just look at this display of compassion and friendship-mending?" Chris smiled. "I bet all eight remaining teens will be completely warm and friendly to each other for the duration of the competition! This nice streak will totally continue right here, next time on Total! Drama! World Tour!"

 **Hey everyone! Hope you enjoyed, or at least tolerated, reading!**

 **Spoiler warning for the chapter right now, in case you scrolled all the way to the bottom to read the author's note for some reason. Hey, I wouldn't judge.**

 **So, yeah, Duncan is out! He voted himself off, but he would have been eliminated regardless of how he voted, so that's how it differs slightly from Gwen. The reason why I had him be less apologetic to Courtney than I made Gwen is because I've always seen Gwen as both more mature and more outwardly emotional than Duncan, so I found it more believable to have her act that way compared to him.**

 **That being said, we do see hints of guilt from him - probably why he felt like voting for himself.**

 **Our final eight are Courtney, Heather, Cody, Sierra, Ezekiel, Owen, Noah, and Tyler. I'll see you all in Sweden!**


	5. Sweden Sour

**Welcome to Sweden!**

 **You may have noticed this chapter came out weeks after the last one. This is due to schoolwork, a predictable foe. But nevertheless, here we are.**

 **I won't dilly dally before we get to our pirate/viking adventure today. I just want to offer my typical gratitude for those of you who favorite, follow, and comment! You guys are the ones who deserve a million bucks!**

 **Now, without further ado, let's take a look at our final eight contestants…**

A rat crawled by Noah's foot in economy class. As the boy read a book, the rat sniffed his shoe, licked its lips, and took a bite. Noah recoiled in horror, shaking his foot as the rat scampered off.

"We're really living the good life back here, huh, boys?" the bookworm balled himself up so no part of him was touching the floor.

"Aw, haha, I think the little guy was just hungry," Owen laughed, having viewed the scene. His stomach growled.

"Oof, don't mention food, Owen," Tyler clutched his own stomach. "We haven't eaten in, like, twelve hours."

"They really take their time when it comes to feeding us back here," Noah sighed, standing up. "Do you guys wanna go beg for scraps from Team Amazon?"

"And give up our dignity?!" Owen stood up in horror. His stomach growled loudly, shaking the whole room. "OF COURSE, LET'S GO!"

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Aside from starvation, I also want to gauge what's going on with the other team," Noah explained. "Heather's going to be my biggest threat for sure, I need to make her feel like she's alone on her team. What do I mean by that? Well, with Cody a friend of mine, Sierra's vote tied to Cody, and Ezekiel easy to convince, that just leaves Courtney to get on my side. I … just have no idea how that's going to happen." The bookworm appeared in deep thought.**

Courtney sat up towards the front of victory class by herself. Towards the back, Heather attempted to take a nap, Ezekiel twiddled his thumbs and zoned off, and Cody sat happily in his seat, rocking his feet back and forth at the back of first class.

Sierra cuddled up to him. "You look so happy, Codykins. Are you thinking about that hair I gave you?"

Cody grimaced. "Uh, no." He looked around. "Alright, Sierra, I've got something to tell you."

"Ooo, I'm so excited! What is it?"

Cody looked around one more time to make sure nobody was listening. "I launched a semi-alliance with Duncan in Australia to get Courtney kicked out of the game!"

Sierra cocked her head to the side in confusion. "Huh?"

"The way I see it, the other team just voted off Tyler for being dead weight, so basically we'll have Duncan on our side for sure, Ezekiel, and I'm also pals with Owen and Noah, so we can get rid of Heather and, more importantly, _Courtney,"_ Cody whispered his plan to Sierra.

"Cody, I … it's a good plan, but," Sierra trailed off. She sighed. "Why Courtney?"

"Because of what she did to _Gwen!"_ Cody said loudly, attracting the attention of his other teammates.

"Would you two lovers _keep it down?"_ Heather grumbled.

"Wait, who's in love?" Ezekiel asked, turning around to face Cody and Sierra. "Are you two in love?"

Sierra rapidly nodded her head as quickly as Cody shook his.

"Knock, knock," Noah's voice came from the end of the cabin. Team Amazon turned to see him cautiously entering the room.

"Um, what do you think you're doing in here?" Heather raised an eyebrow.

"Chris and Chef forgot to feed us," Tyler explained.

"And Owen NEEDS HIS FOOD!" Owen finished.

"Courtney, can you deal with the Three Gross-kateers please?" Heather asked.

Courtney finally walked to the back of the cabin. "What's going …" Her voice trailed off as she paid attention to the makeup of Team Chris. "D-Duncan's gone?!"

"What?!" Cody's face fell.

"Duncan is indeed gone," Noah nodded.

"It's okay, though, 'cause, like, he voted for himself, and gave a big speech in the confessional about how he did it because he felt so bad about stuff, and for some reason he also said he hoped Owen or Cody would win," Tyler explained.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Why did Gwen** _ **and**_ **Duncan vote themselves off?" Courtney looked confused, and a bit upset, before clearing her throat. "I'm only asking because** _ **I**_ **was supposed to be the ones to get rid of them. I bet those cowards only voted themselves off so they could be together. A million more dollars in my pocket!" Courtney's confident smile wavered very slightly.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Great, Duncan's gone, and Courtney is still here!" Cody sighed in frustration. His lip quivered. "AND I MISS GWEN!"**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I probably shouldn't have revealed any of that to, like, everyone," Tyler smiled sheepishly at the camera. "Uh, sorry, Duncan."**

"I guess that means the anti-Courtney alliance won't work out," Sierra patted Cody on the back. "Which means that we should -"

"Oh, no," Cody interrupted. "Courtney has taken away Gwen, _and_ my first real attempt at a post-merge alliance? She is going _down."_

Sierra laughed nervously.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I've stuck by Courtney through the whole Gwen thing,** _ **and**_ **I'm not Heather, so I seriously think she'll see me as her closest ally in the competition," Sierra beamed. "Well, barring some pretty bizarre circumstances."**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **So I got to thinking, what would Alejandro do?" Noah sighed. "And I came up with an answer. An answer I didn't like, but an answer."**

As Owen and Tyler scarfed down a plate of freshly-baked cookies, Noah took a deep breath and strode over to where Courtney was standing in the aisle, filled with emotion about Duncan's elimination but not letting anything be shone.

"Hey, Courtney," Noah flashed an uneasy smile. "Boy, am I sure glad Duncan's gone, because now… there's no rival for your love. Heh."

Every teen in the entire victory class cabin stared at Noah in complete shock. No one moved or said a word as Chris entered.

"Good morning, passengers!" Chris greeted.

"Please tell me we can get out of the plane now," Cody asked, eager to get away from the awkward situation that had just played out. Heather and Sierra nodded rapidly in agreement.

"Yeah, eh, is it challenge time?" Ezekiel added.

"Whoa, you guys sure are excited for today's challenge!" Chris smiled. "It warms my heart! Which is good, because you guys are gonna need all the warmth you can get in our next destination!"

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

 **Courtney stared uneasily at the camera, everything that had just happened in the past five minutes rushing back to her.**

"Welcome, contestants, to Sweden!" Chris smiled, warmly bundled in a parka as he introduced the frozen landscape to the eight shivering teens.

"Hey, do you have those jackets you ordered for us in the Yukon?" Heather asked.

"Funny you should ask! The jackets are completely ready!" The contestants sighed with relief, before Chris continued, "to be shipped. In six to eight weeks." The contestants groaned with this new information.

"But it's f-freezing," Courtney whined.

Noah swallowed his pride and walked up to her. "Maybe we should cuddle for warmth?"

Courtney was still unprepared to give a response to this, so Owen grabbed him up instead, as well as Tyler. "Team Chris group hug!"

"Are we hugging for warmth, eh?" Ezekiel asked as he watched Sierra scoop up Cody. "Heather, you and me, eh -"

"Lay a finger on me and you're dead, weirdo," Heather shot back.

"Enough cuddling, more challenging!" Chris interrupted the lovefest, walking the teens over to two large piles of wood and steel parts. "Each team needs to build a contraption out of these parts. Whichever team correctly builds what they have to first will get an advantage in the next challenge."

"What do we have to build, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"I won't leave you hanging," Chris promised, producing two instruction manuals and handing them to Noah and Courtney, respectively. Both flipped through them.

"These are in Swedish," Noah deadpanned.

"Are there pictures?" Tyler asked him. Noah shook his head.

"You kids are smart, you'll figure it out!" Chris walked back to the plane nearby, where Chef stood silently in his parka. "And when you do, let Chef know, because I've got a date with a hot tub!"

"Are you serious?" Heather asked him.

"Of course I am, it's freezing out here!" Chris shivered in his parka, walking away.

The contestants groaned at Chris' ego, and the teams grouped up to strategize.

"I bet we have to build an emu!" Tyler guessed. "Last time it was all about emus!"

"Oh, of course, we need to build some classic Swedish wooden emus," Noah deadpanned.

Tyler gasped. "Those exist? Oh, man, that's _totally_ what we have to do!"

"I'll get started on the legs!" Owen decided, moving over to the pile to grab some wooden planks.

"Guys, I was very, very clearly being sarcastic," Noah groaned.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I don't know why I still have to say that," Noah grumbled.**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Maybe Noah should just, like, say what he means, if he wants us to know what he's thinking," Tyler shrugged.**

As Team Chris got started trying to make sense of the large pile of wood and screws, Team Amazon was in disarray. Cody sat in a depressed state, Sierra by his side. Courtney and Heather gave each other glares, as though daring the other to suggest something so the other could shoot it down. Ezekiel did not match the anger or depression, and stood with a smile.

"Alright, eh, this is perfect!" Ezekiel stretched. "On the farm, I helped my dad out with repairs all the time, eh!"

"This is the same dad who taught you women are inferior to men?" Courtney raised an eyebrow.

"Uhhhhh, yeah," Ezekiel nodded, missing the insulting nature of Courtney's comment. "Anyway, let's get building, eh!"

"Yeah, that would be perfect," Heather rolled her eyes, "if we even _knew_ what we had to build!"

"Ezekiel, you say you've worked with wood," Courtney reminded. "Well, take a look at this wood and tell me what we have to build."

"Oh, uhhhhhhhhhh," Ezekiel trailed off as his eyes followed the various planks of wood.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **The guy who's supposed to be great at this messes up, and it's game over for Zeke," Courtney sighed. "He's an easy target, what can I say?"**

Noah had given up on trying to read the instructions, and so sifted through the wooden pile in the hopes of finding anything recognizable.

"Anything good in there, little buddy?" Owen asked.

"Unless you're excited to hear about more wooden planks, I'm gonna go ahead and say there's nothing to really get your heart racing in here," Noah sighed. Suddenly, he paused, carefully taking out a large, red, shield-like piece that seemed very out of place among the wood. "Guys, we have our lead."

"What is that?" Tyler asked.

"It's a Viking shield. They put these on their ships when they went off to battle," Noah explained, his voice lowering to a whisper. "We need to build a boat."

"Oooo, a Viking boat!" Tyler said, impressed. Noah shushed him, turning around to see Team Amazon bickering. "If we start now and hide it from them, they'll be too far behind to catch up to us."

"If only we had some way to stop them from seeing us," Owen lamented.

"Maybe Noah should go flirt with his _girlfriend_ some more," Tyler teased.

"And leave you two here to build the whole thing? No shot," Noah looked at the wooden pile. "We'll fasten a barrier out of some wood and that tarp over there. Let's go, team."

In no time, Team Chris had constructed a barrier and slid it in between themselves and Team Amazon.

"Oh, great," Heather scoffed, watching the barrier being put into place. "The other team knows what they're doing, and we're sitting here waiting for Captain Homeschool's gears to start turning for the first time in years."

"I can figure this out, eh," Ezekiel's eyes moved from the pile of wood, to the instruction manual.

"You can read Swedish?" Heather doubted.

"How hard can it be, eh?"

"It might be easier if you don't hold it upside down," Courtney gritted her teeth, flipping the instructions rightside up.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I want Ezekiel to be the next target, but you know an even** _ **safer**_ **way to guarantee, for sure, that I don't get eliminated?" Courtney said. "If our team** _ **actually wins!"**_

"Oh, Codykins, what's wrong?" Sierra asked.

"I miss Gwen," was Cody's short, quiet reply.

Sierra scoffed quietly. "Well, Cody, Gwen's not here right now, and nothing could bring her back. I find that if you worry less about things outside of your control, you -"

"That's it!" Cody stood up, enlightened. He ran over to the pile of wood and frantically began working, almost comically fast.

"Cody must've figured out the same thing _I_ figured out, eh," Ezekiel boasted.

"Oh, really? What did _you_ figure out, Zeke?" Courtney asked.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh," Ezekiel trailed once again, caught in a lie.

"They're really hard at work over there," Owen noted, peeking beyond the barrier. "Cody is building _super fast."_

"Well, we're just about done over here," Noah said, as he and Tyler fastened a mast to the ship. "Just make sure they don't finish before -"

"They're done," Owen said, initially bringing unhappiness to his teammates. However, he then started cracking up. "That … is … AWESOME! Haha!"

"What is it, big guy?" Noah hopped down from the boat, along with Tyler, as the three peered over the barrier.

"Done!" Cody stepped back from his creation, panting from the hard work. It was a giant replica of Gwen's head, made out of wood.

"Are you _kidding me,_ Cody?!" Heather screeched, grabbing a mallet from a pile of tools near the wood and chasing Cody with it.

"GET AWAY FROM CODY!" Sierra snarled, picking up another mallet and dueling with Heather. Courtney stood with her eye twitching.

"For the record, eh, this _wasn't_ what I was thinking," Ezekiel told Courtney.

"Okay, they're totally screwed," Noah chuckled. "And as long as this barrier stays up, they'll have no idea what they're actually supposed to do. We got this in the bag."

"You got it!" Tyler smiled confidently, taking a step. He immediately slipped on the ice, slamming into the barrier and causing it to fall. Team Amazon looked upon their boat in its full glory.

"Why would I jinx us like that?" Noah said to Owen. "I should know better."

"See, _that's_ what I was thinking, eh," Ezekiel lied, bragging.

"Then why didn't you _do anything?!"_ Courtney screamed at him.

"I thought Cody had it down pat, eh."

An all-too-familiar bell chimed, interrupting the bickering, as Chris reemerged from the plane in his parka. "Get singing, guys!" He then turned his attention to Chef. "Chef, have you seen my bathrobe? I had to dry off with a _towel_ after my hot bath!" Chef rolled his eyes.

Heather groaned and took Courtney aside as the musical number started. "They're way ahead, so we've got to go."

"We've got to build something to sail, something we can row," Courtney agreed.

"It doesn't have to be a boat," Sierra joined in.

"As long as it stays afloat," the three harmonized, looking at Gwen's wooden face. "Oh why did we build Gwen's face?" Cody sat, depressed, at the base of the head, with Ezekiel offering him a pat on the back.

"It's almost ready to set sail," Noah and Tyler boasted their impressive Viking ship.

"Just hammering in the final nail," Noah sang, implying the nail would be in Team Amazon's coffin, as Heather, Courtney, and Sierra wailed.

"We really did this fast!" Owen smiled.

"Soon we'll be back in first class," Noah and Tyler sang, joining Owen. "Because they built Gwen's face!"

"We built Gwen's face!" the Amazon girls sang.

"We're gonna take first place!" sang Team Chris.

"Because we built Gwen's face!"

Courtney took this opportunity for a solo. "Ahhhhh, yeeaa-ahhh, yeeeahhhhh!"

"We built Gwen's face!"

Sierra did a slide on the ice as she broke away from Courtney and Heather. "Yeah yeah yeah _yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh!"_

Cody sat in the snow, doodling a picture of Gwen with a stick. He drew one of Duncan next to her, and sighed.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I shouldn't be so upset, I know," Cody sighed. "Courtney will be gone next time we lose. It's just … I really miss Gwen. And Duncan getting the boot right after I had become on sort of good terms with him … it wasn't great."**

Owen's stomach began to grumble.

"I know you're hungry, dude, but we're gonna have to eat after the challenge," Tyler reassured.

"That wasn't a hunger grumble …" Owen smiled sheepishly.

Noah sighed and held his breath as his large friend ran over to a hole in the ice. He squatted and released a massive fart, sighing in relief as the pressure left his system. Unfortunately, this pressure was now underneath the frozen sea, and cracks in the ice proved it would not hold for much longer.

"Uh-oh," Owen winced.

"Get to the boat!" Noah jumped into his team's vessel.

"Wait for me!" Tyler attempted to run, but his basketball shoes caused him to run in place. Owen grabbed him and threw him into the boat, climbing in himself as the cracks in the ice caught up with him and finally gave out. The vessel was now at sea.

Team Amazon, on the other hand, rightfully panicked as the cracks in the ice approached them.

"Anyone ready fer a dip, eh?" Ezekiel tried to joke.

"I am _not_ dying of hypothermia," Heather scowled. "This is _not_ how Heather goes!"

Courtney racked her brain, leaning against Gwen's face for support. She gasped as she knocked it. "Guys, Gwen's head is hollow!"

"Tell me something I don't know," Heather replied.

"No, I got it! We can cut off the top half and ride her like a boat!" Sierra realized. "You know, it doesn't have to be a boat, as long as it -"

"Yeah, yeah, we got it," Courtney interrupted Sierra's reprise. "Off with her head!"

Heather grabbed a hacksaw from the pile of tools and sliced off Gwen's forehead. Cody recoiled in horror.

"Calm down, eh, it's not really Gwen," Ezekiel reminded him.

Heather jumped into the boat, followed by Courtney. Sierra grabbed Cody and jumped in. This left Ezekiel to frantically scramble up to the rest of his team, just in the knick of time, as the ice sheet was completely destroyed.

"Looks like you guys are at sea!" Chris called from the plane. "Meet me at the dock at the end of this strait for the next part of the challenge, and be prepared to assign a captain to your ship!"

"Ooo! Ooo!" Tyler cheered. "Let me be captain!"

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I've been captain of, like, a** _ **ton**_ **of sports teams in my life," Tyler boasted. "My third-grade kickball team, my fifth-grade organized hide-and-seek tournament, all the way back to my kindergarten hopscotch club," Tyler's smile turned to a frown. "Man, the guys from the hockey team are gonna be** _ **brutal**_ **after hearing that!"**

"Good idea, Tyler, you can be the clumsy captain of our Viking vessel," Noah chuckled.

"Haha! Yeah, our ship will sink!" Owen laughed at his much-less-clever joke.

"Very funny," Tyler replied to his teammates' heckling. "I know I'm not always the most … coordinated … but I can be captain!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you'll be the most successful captain since Edward Smith," Noah laughed at his own joke, turning to a deadpan when he saw Owen and Tyler's confused expressions. "Captain of the Titanic?"

"Ohhhhhh," both boys responded.

As Gwen's face sailed a bit further behind, Sierra raised a hand excitedly. "I think _Cody_ should be captain!"

"As long as it's not Little Miss Challenge Thrower here, that's fine by me," Heather rolled her eyes.

"Big talk coming from someone who was supposed to be eliminated in the Amazon," Courtney shot back.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I've been so preoccupied trying to move the target to Ezekiel that I haven't even considered Heather," Courtney reasoned. "But** _ **everyone**_ **hates her! It might not be such a bad idea to try and get** _ **her**_ **out of here …"**

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I'm not afraid of Courtney," Heather said. "Everyone on the team is sick and tired of her bossiness, her annoyingness, and, most importantly, her treating her problems as the only ones that matter and throwing challenges for her revenge-crazed fantasies."**

"I was thinkin' I'd be a great captain, eh," Ezekiel said.

"Yeah, don't push your luck, homeschool," Courtney replied curtly.

Team Chris came to rest at the dock, where Chris was waiting for them. "Alright, boys, who's captain?"

"I'm captain!" Tyler said proudly.

Chris turned to Owen and Noah curiously. "Really? Not the clever, strategic Noah, or the lovable, popular Owen? You guys picked Tyler?"

"Just roll with it," Noah sighed.

Chris shrugged and gave Tyler a viking hat. "You guys get a cannon for your vessel," Chef carried a cannon onboard their ship, and also tossed some black, charred objects into the boat. "You guys also get Chef's burnt Swedish meatballs, and this bag."

Chris handed Owen a bag, and he peered inside. "Rocks?"

"We have to have a boat war or something?" Noah asked.

"That's completely up to you," Chris explained. "The challenge is to either be the last boat standing, or to get the flag at the other end of this previously frozen lake. If you guys go now, you might be able to get the flag, but it is totally your call."

"Let's go, guys," Noah encouraged Owen and Tyler onto the boat.

"The captain commands that we, uh, get moving," Tyler agreed, proudly walking to the boat. He almost slipped on the ice a few times, but managed to catch himself. Owen and Noah shared a worried look.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **I like Tyler, but I don't know if I'd put him in charge of a ship," Owen shrugged.**

A few seconds after they set sail, Noah heard horrible crunching sounds coming from Owen. He sighed. "Owen, please don't tell me you're eating those meatballs."

"Of course I'm not eating meatballs," Owen replied. "I'm eating _a meatball."_

"How are you even able to chew it? Those things are super burnt."

"Ha! As if that could stop me."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **He brings up a good point," Noah reasoned.**

"Alright, let's just go to the flag," Noah decided.

"Aw, come on! How many times in your life do you get to launch cannonballs in an awesome boat war?" Tyler said.

"First off, we have enough of a lead right now that we can easily win and relax in victory class for another day," Noah explained. "Second, we don't even have anything to launch the quote-unquote 'cannonballs' with."

"We only have this bag of rocks," Owen produced the bag that Chris had given him.

Noah looked into the bag. "Owen, this is flint."

"Haha, awesome Viking battle here we come!" Tyler cheered.

"It does sound like fun!" Owen agreed.

Noah deadpanned.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Well, I'm safe if we lose, so I guess this is fine," he finally caved.**

Team Amazon arrived at the dock, greeted by Chef, who put a cannon in Gwen's face, along with a bag of Swedish meatballs.

"Congratulations on being the second team to arrive here, Team Amazon!" Chris smiled. "Of two. Second of two."

"We know how many teams there are," Heather remarked impatiently.

"Wait, whatever happened to Team Victory, eh?" Ezekiel questioned.

"Who is your captain?" Chris asked, ignoring Ezekiel's question.

"Cody," Sierra said immediately, grabbing the Viking helmet from Chris and lovingly placing it on Cody's head.

"Okay, then, you guys should get moving!" Chris ushered them to their "ship." "You guys can either be the last ship standing or be the first to get the flag. Hop to it!"

"Lead the way, Captain Cody," Sierra encouraged. "Ooo, I love the sound of that!"

Cody just rolled his eyes.

"So are we going to acknowledge that we are basically guaranteed to lose?" Heather complained. "The other team has been sailing for, like, ten minutes. There is no way they are not getting to the flag first. Ugh!"

The team sat in a depressed silence for a few minutes. Finally, Ezekiel spoke up. "Hey, look! The other team is waiting for us, eh!"

"As if, Zeke, no one is stupid enough to take a ten minute head start, guaranteeing them the win, and throw it away to wait for us," Courtney replied, not even bothering to look up.

"WELCOME, AMAZON-ERS," Tyler announced, standing proudly at the side of his ship, "TO THE FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE." Owen and Noah stood next to him, the former smiling confidently and the latter looking bored as usual

"I think we found someone stupid enough," Heather realized.

"OWEN, MY MAN, FIRE THE CANNON!"

Owen saluted his captain's orders and fired a Swedish meatball from the cannon. It whizzed over the heads of Team Amazon, but not by much.

"Are you guys _trying_ to kill us?!" Heather screamed back.

"Wait, no fair, eh, how come they can fire their cannons?" Ezekiel asked.

"Probably because they beat us," Courtney said. She scowled as she watched Team Chris prepare another shot. "Everyone, get down!"

Another Swedish meatball went careening into the side of Gwen's face, picking an ear clean off.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Gwen!" Cody screamed in horror.**

Enraged at the damage done to Gwen, Cody sprinted to his team's cannon, picking up some boards from the floor and rubbing them together quickly to make fire. He ignited the cannon and launched a meatball at Team Chris' boat - a direct hit.

"Nice work, Cody, eh!" Ezekiel complimented.

"Yeah, whatever, just keep firing," Courtney encouraged. Cody took another meatball and fired it at Team Chris - once again making direct contact with the boat. Team Chris' vessel was now badly damaged, and moving much slower.

"We only have one more meatball, guys, so we have to make it count," Noah looked at a significantly more wet meatball on the floor. "And it's the one that was in Owen's mouth, so I'm not touching it."

"It's okay, I got it," Owen gingerly picked up the meatball and put it in the cannon. Tyler ran over, excitedly rubbing two stones together and producing a spark. Unfortunately, in true Tyler fashion, he slipped, slamming into the cannon. The spark did manage to reach the cannon, but Tyler had pushed it, and as it fired, the meatball hit his own ship's mast. The boat halted.

"Nice job, losers!" Heather mocked as Gwen's face passed them. Noah raised an eyebrow at Owen and Tyler.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Now that I think about it? Voting off Duncan might not have been such a great idea," Noah deadpanned.**

Courtney smiled at the goth-shaped vessel she was in. "Turns out Gwen was useful for something after all."

Cody stood up from where he was sitting with Sierra and walked over to her.

"Cody, no!" Sierra whisper-yelled, but she was ignored.

"You know what, Courtney? I think it's time you stop selling Gwen the short end of the stick," Cody confronted. "She felt bad about what she did!"

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Murderers who feel bad for murdering don't get off scot-free, Cody. Now, go run along and play with Sierra."

"Yeah, Captain Cody, let's play!" Sierra grinned eagerly.

Cody was not deterred. "Was voting herself off not comeuppance enough? She literally sacrificed her chance at a million dollars because she felt bad about hurting you, and this is how you repay her? Still bad-mouthing her?"

"Drop it, Cody," Courtney warned. Heather and Ezekiel both looked on with intense interest.

"No, Courtney, I'm not going to drop it," Cody frowned. "I think we've all just about had it with your horrible attitude and your nonstop whining."

Courtney scoffed. "You're one to talk, Cody! All you've done since Gwen was eliminated is complain about how much you miss her! How much has _that_ helped?"

"Oooo," Ezekiel winced at this burn.

"Probably about as much as you threatening Ezekiel and Heather has helped," Cody replied.

"OOOO," Ezekiel said once again.

"Shut up, homeschool," Heather silenced him.

"Cody, the only reason you're still around is because Gwen was worse, and Heather has a history of ruining literally everything," Courtney ranted. "Having Sierra carry you around everywhere has to have helped as well. Except for her, everyone here just pities you." Sierra awkwardly looked on.

"I am a valuable member of this team," Cody shot back. "I helped us navigate the minefield in Area 51, something you didn't even want to do because you wanted to throw the challenge. And the only reason you weren't kicked off for pulling that stunt is because everyone felt bad for you. How's that for pity?"

Meanwhile, Noah, Owen, and Tyler sat stagnantly in their very, very slowly sinking boat.

"I can't believe this is how we lose," Tyler frowned.

Owen's stomach growled. He suddenly stood up triumphantly. "No. This isn't how it ends."

"We're out of cannonballs, Owen, there's literally no way to -" Noah looked up to see his large friend sitting in the cannon, stomach rumbling in anticipation.

"SHE'S GONNA BLOW ANY SECOND, JUST LAUNCH ME!" Owen insisted.

Tyler and Noah looked in shock. Finally, Tyler grabbed the flint and ran over to the cannon.

Back in Gwen's face, tensions were still high. "Cody, you're Sierra's boy toy. I don't even know why I'm still having this conversation with you," Courtney said.

Cody's face was red, furious at not being taken seriously. "Well, it beats being the person that keeps everyone up all night with their crying, and who is a jerk to literally everyone because she can't comprehend the idea that Duncan didn't want her!"

The boat immediately fell silent. Courtney and Cody stared each other down, each knowing that this remark had drastically escalated the fight.

Before either could do anything, however, a faint cannon shot was heard.

"The other team must be firing blanks," Sierra nervously laughed to try and disarm the situation.

"Who cares? We're right at the flag," Heather noted a buoy close in front of Gwen's face, and reached down to try and grab it.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **It's going to be one awkward night in victory class," the Queen Bee noted with dread.**

The flag was only a few inches away from Heather's outstretched hand when the faint sound of screaming grew louder.

Ezekiel looked up. "Hey, am I crazy, or is that big guy from the other team about to hit us, eh?"

"You mean Owen?" Sierra looked up, only to find that, in abject horror, Owen was soaring through the sky, about to smash into Gwen's face. Time seemed to freeze as Ezekiel, Sierra, and Heather stared, mouths ajar, at this unexpected attack, unable to brace themselves in time. Courtney and Cody turned but only had a fraction of a second to react. Tyler and Noah watched in awe from their boat as their apparent defeat was about to turn into an unexpected victory.

In reality, Owen's collision with Gwen's face was a lot less artistic. The big boy smashed into the hull, immediately dragging the wooden mess down with him. Team Amazon was left grabbing on to whatever pieces they could get a hold of to escape the freezing cold water.

Owen surfaced again after a few minutes to hooting and hollering from Noah and Tyler. Chris sped by on a jet ski. "And it looks like Owen has won it for Team Me!"

"A-A-A-Awesome!" Owen replied happily, his teeth chattering from the frigid water.

Chris turned his attention to Team Amazon. "As for you guys, I'll see you all in the elimination area. Now, back to the plane!"

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **It's been a while since we had a reward challenge. It'll happen this time for sure," Sierra wavered. "And if it doesn't … I can't vote off Codykins, absolutely not, but I also really want to see if Cody and Courtney can patch things up. I'll just vote for Zeke. He's kind of gross anyway."**

Cody waited outside the confessional, waiting for Sierra to finish voting so he could have his turn.

"Hey, geekwad." Cody turned to see Heather. "Just so you know, I'm voting for Courtney tonight."

"Really?" Cody's eyes widened in surprise.

"Not because of what you said, obviously," Heather characteristically rolled her eyes. "She's been a pain this whole competition, but she's especially gotten unbearable since London."

"Wow, uh, awesome!" Cody was at a loss for words.

"I'm ready, Captain Cody!" Sierra stepped out of the confessional. "Your turn!"

"You don't have to call me that anymore," Cody reminded her.

"I know I don't _have_ to," Sierra giggled as she walked off to the elimination area. "I'll save you a seat!"

Ezekiel sipped some water in the common area, relaxing before he had to take his vote.

"Ezekiel."

The homeschool jumped up to see Courtney behind him, glaring. "Oh,uh, hey, Courtney."

She had a seat across from him. "I'm just wondering who you're voting for tonight."

"Oh, uh, probably you."

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **How is one person this stupid?" Courtney shook her head in disbelief."**

"Here's the thing, Zeke. You're not doing that."

"I'm not?"

"Everyone remembers how gross and useless you were on the island, how you teamed up with Chris and tried to hunt us down in London, and how you almost ruined the challenge for us in the outback," Courtney threatened. "You're in hot water right now, and unless you want me to help the rest of the team vote you off, you'll vote with me, understand?"

"I think I understand," Ezekiel replied. "One thing, though. The outback … is that Australia? Or Area 51? Because I didn't think I almost ruined the challenge in -"

"It's Australia, Zeke!" Courtney threw her hands up in frustration. She got in his face. "So, I'll ask again, _do you understand what you have to do?"_ A very frightened Ezekiel nodded slowly. "Good! I'll see you at elimination!"

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Between me, Heather, Sierra, and probably Ezekiel, Courtney is as good as gone," Cody predicted confidently.**

Heather, Courtney, Cody, Sierra, and Ezekiel gathered around the elimination area, as Chris stood with five passports in hand.

"I have some news that I'm sure you'll all be relieved to hear, contestants," Chris started.

"I _knew_ it would be a reward challenge," Sierra sighed with relief.

"What? No," Chris shook his head. "The relieving information is that I found my bathrobe! It was in my _drawer_ the whole time!"

The five contestants groaned, both out of annoyance with their egosticial host and out of the unfortunate confirmation that this was a very real elimination.

"Now, onto the votes," Chris read the passports. "I have here one vote for Ezekiel!"

"What?" Ezekiel cried out. "I'm eliminated?!"

"Unfortunately, that's the only vote you've got, so you're still in the game," Chris moved on.

"Who would have voted for Ezekiel?" Cody whispered uncertainly to Sierra, surveying the rest of the team.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe he voted for himself?" Sierra lied.

"A vote for Courtney!" Chris read. "A vote for Cody!" Cody and Courtney shot each other glares. "Another vote for Courtney!" Cody's glare turned into a smile, but Courtney did not break. "And one more vote … for …"

The host took a tantalizingly long break in the middle of the sentence. Cody and Courtney continued their stare, Sierra squeezed Cody tightly, Ezekiel looked nervous, and Heather looked bored.

"... Cody!" Chris finished. "It's a tie!"

"A tie?" Cody stood up, his eyes moving to Heather. "Heather, you betrayed me?"

"Um, what are you talking about?" Heather rolled her eyes. "Of _course_ I voted for Courtney, why wouldn't I?" Courtney glared at her as a result.

"But that's the two of us … which means …" Cody looked to Sierra. "You didn't vote for Courtney?"

"I couldn't! I was trying to be strategic," Sierra was quickly getting emotional. "I voted for Zeke!"

"Hey, that's me!" Ezekiel realized.

"And Zeke, you voted for me?" Cody asked.

"Courtney made me do it, she's scary, eh!" Ezekiel admitted. "But it's a tie, right? So, like, it's time for a tiebreaker?"

"For once, Homeschool is right," Chris gestured Chef into the room, leading along two moose. "The Swedish tiebreaker challenge is here! Courtney, Cody, these are two Eurasian elk, the national animal of Sweden! You must each climb onto their backs. First one to fall off or let go is eliminated!"

Courtney glared at Cody, managing to make the geek's tough, Gwen-defending exterior crack.

"If you wanted to be all tough with the big dogs, you have to see this stuff coming," Courtney shrugged. "I'm sure you're tough enough to do this, right?"

"CODY, YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT COURTNEY!" Sierra screamed, held back by Heather. "HANG ONTO THAT MOOSE! PRETEND IT'S ME!"

"That won't help," Cody promised as he and Courtney climbed onto the elk. Immediately, the annoyed animals started trying their best to detach the teens from their backs. Courtney held on tightly, eyes closed with determination.

Unfortunately for Cody, his scrawny frame was unable to hang on as long, and he felt his grip weaken.

"CODYKINS!" Sierra howled, watching Cody's struggle approach its end.

Finally, the inevitable happened. Cody's grip broke, and the moose jerked him away. Due to the angle the animal was standing at, Cody was launched right out of the plane.

"NOOOOOOO!" Sierra cried, so loudly it pierced the ears of the rest of the team, the moose, Chris, Chef, and even Noah, Owen, and Tyler in victory class.

Chef led the elk away as Courtney dismounted. She was immediately faced with a ferocious Sierra. "IT'S THANKS TO YOU THE GREATEST CONTESTANT TO EVER BLESS THIS COMPETITION IS ELIMINATED! YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST LET YOURSELF FALL FROM THE PLANE IN HIS PLACE!"

"How is it at all fair to expect that of me?" Courtney replied.

"Sierra's just a little upset that your bossy butt wasn't kicked out of the plane," Heather said. "I, for one, sympathize."

Courtney sighed as Heather and Sierra left the elimination area, followed shortly after by an awkward Ezekiel.

 **==CONFESSIONAL==**

" **Great," Courtney sighed. "I guess I should have expected this, but not only am I allyless, I'm an active target. Once the merge finally comes, maybe I can form an alliance with Noah. Just an alliance, though … to be honest, it's gonna take a miracle to get the target off my back."**

Chris relaxed in his hot tub, bathrobe hung neatly on a rack nearby. "A miracle, huh? I wonder how the competition will have to change for Courtney to have a shot! Anything can happen next time, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"

 **Thanks for reading! And thanks for bearing with me - once again, school has really eaten up a lot of my time, but I'm still chugging along!**

 **[Spoilers from this point on!]**

 **This episode was a bit more Amazon-centric, but as we all know, this is the last time that will be the case, since the teams are merging in Niagara Falls. Additionally, Sweden was not an elimination episode in canon, so that's a difference as well. And then we get to the elimination, which may have been a difficult elimination to see coming - Cody is out!**

 **His radical defensiveness of Gwen and all-out, poorly coordinated attack on Courtney was his downfall. I played around with how Sweden Sour really turned out for this one - Cody was responsible for building Gwen's face instead of a boat, and he was also captain of his team when they failed. I figured he could have been a target if there had been something else - say, a burning desire for revenge for Gwen's elimination instead of mere depression about it?**

 **Our final seven are Courtney, Heather, Sierra, Ezekiel, Noah, Owen, and Tyler … for now. Next chapter will be the Aftermath Aftermayhem, and as in canon, a Peanut Gallery contestant will get the chance to join/rejoin the competition! I wonder who it will be …**

 **See you later!**


	6. Aftermath Aftermayhem

**I am alive! I know, I was surprised to learn that as well.**

 **In all seriousness, these have been an IMMENSELY busy past few months, and I don't foresee an end to the business in the near future, but that said thank you all so much for following and commenting!**

 **Don't worry, I fully plan to finish this story, and I apologize for how long I've been gone. I'll try my best to have the next chapter out sooner!**

 **But without further ado … it's been long enough - over half a year! I think you all may be wondering who's coming back!**

The prerecorded theme song of the Total Drama Aftermath blared loudly as a camera zoomed in on a talk show set. The audience applauded loudly as Geoff stepped out, smiling.

"What's up, dudes and dudettes?" the surfer dude grinned. "It's Geoff here with some more 'Total Drama Aftermath!'" Geoff paused to let the audience continue applauding. "Haha, and I couldn't forget a shout-out to my awesome aftermath peanut gallery! Let's hear it for the crew!"

Eva, Katie, Sadie, Beth, Trent, Justin, Harold, Leshawna, Lindsay, Izzy, and DJ smiled at the audience, accepting the cheers.

"But I've been dishonest with you, this isn't just the Total Drama Aftermath," Geoff revealed. "It's Aftermath After-Mayhem! I'll explain what that means later on, but for now we should just acknowledge the great mood I'm in! Anyone curious?"

"I'll bite!" Izzy shrugged. She proceeded to bite Harold, who cried out in pain.

"Why _are_ you in such a great mood, Geoff?" DJ played along.

"An excellent question, my man, and it's simple!" Geoff cackled. "I sent Blaineley on a trip to visit her number one fan, so she's not here!"

"Blaineley has fans?" Eva retorted.

"Exactly! She's never going to find her number one fan, because whoever was portraying themselves as her number one fan was totally a troll or something," Geoff explained. "Meaning me and Bridge have this show all to ourselves!"

The crowd cheered at the removal of Blaineley, though Justin raised an eyebrow. "Where _is_ Bridgette, anyway?"

Geoff looked around. "Bridgette? Babe?" He shrugged. "Sure she's just in the back, getting ready."

"Looking for someone?"

Geoff's eyes widened at a familiar voice from backstage, but laughed it off. "Man, Bridge, you got your Blaineley impression down _pat!"_

Blaineley stepped out of the shadows to reveal herself, to the shock of Geoff, the peanut gallery, and the audience. "Miss me?"

"B-But you're supposed to be -"

"Oh, I was assigned some trip across the world to talk to fans, or something," Blaineley interrupted. "But I sent Bridgette instead."

"You WHAT?" Geoff screamed. The large monitor above the set turned on, revealing a very worried-looking Bridgette somewhere in a blizzard. "BRIDGE!"

"H-Hey, Geoff," Bridgette meekly waved at the camera, as the audience gasped in shock. The surfer girl shivered. "Apparently, Blaineley's number one fan lives in Siberia, but me and the interns are caught in a s-super bad storm."

Geoff looked ready to cry. "BRIDGE, BABY! DON'T WORRY!" Blaineley, on the other hand, stood with a triumphant smirk.

"I've g-got to go, Geoff," Bridgette looked offscreen. "We need to find B-Blaineley's number one fan."

The camera cut out, and the audience gasped once again with shock. The peanut gallery glared at Blaineley, prompting Geoff to turn on his cohost. "You've done some messed up stuff, Blaineley, but this is _so_ not cool."

"She'll be in good company with my fans," Blaineley shrugged.

"You only have one fan in the entire world and you couldn't be bothered to visit them?" Geoff mocked her. "Talk about taking the fans for granted!" The audience applauded at their apparent reference.

"Hey, don't you try and turn the fans against me!" Blaineley frowned.

"Didn't need to, they already are!" Geoff shrugged, taking a seat to audience applause. "Now, I think it's time we talked to four very special people, who weren't special enough to win that million dollars."

A montage showing the best of a particular Hispanic contestant appeared on the monitor, as Geoff continued. "Alejandro was a newbie, but demonstrated total skill as he mercilessly tore his way through the competition. He left no prisoners in his wake, and played a part in eliminating Harold, Leshawna, and DJ!"

"Don't forget Bridgette!" Izzy helpfully reminded, as the monitor showed Alejandro and Bridgette cuddling and going in for the dreaded kiss.

"I said I wanted that out of the montage!" Geoff angrily whispered into an earpiece, before regaining his composure. "Anyway, his Spanish charm wasn't enough to dupe his team, and he got the boot once Noah won over Owen and Tyler's votes against him. Please welcome Alejandro!"

The audience went wild as the toned strategist strolled out onto the stage, smiling and waving at the fans.

"He's so dreamy," Beth cooed.

Leshawna rolled her eyes. "If by dreams you mean nightmares, maybe. He's lucky Bridgette ain't here because the two of us would really give that boy a piece of our minds."

Alejandro took a seat across from Geoff. "It is a pleasure and an honor to be here tonight, my good Geoff."

Geoff stared at him distrustfully. "Bro, you can drop the act. I'm not falling for the charms from the guy who tried to kiss my girlfriend."

"You must understand, I had no romantic interest in Bridgette, and completely recognize and respect your relationship," Alejandro explained. "I was only playing the game."

"OH, THAT'S IT! HOLD ME BACK!" Leshawna stood up in the peanut gallery, held back by DJ.

Blaineley took a seat next to Geoff. "So, Alejandro, the fans are dying to know: in your eyes, who was the hottest contestant? Other than yourself, of course."

Alejandro looked up in thought. "As a gentlemen, I do not like to rate women - they are all uniquely beautiful." He blew a kiss to Katie and Sadie, who looked ready to pass out from excitement. "But if I absolutely must choose, then I suppose I will say _Heather."_

The audience hooted and hollered, and even the peanut gallery seemed impressed.

"They deserve each other," Leshawna agreed with Alejandro's choice.

"One last question before we have our next guest," Geoff questioned. "You seemed caught off guard by your elimination. Any regrets?"

For a moment, Alejandro's confident, friendly smile wavered. "Well, who among us actually _expects_ our own elimination? My one regret is that I did not get closer to some of my teammates. Some of those gentlemen would make fine friends … I particularly enjoy the exploits of _Noah."_

"Noah, the guy who masterminded you being here instead of in the plane?" Blaineley raised an eyebrow.

"Water under the bridge, mi amiga!" Alejandro laughed, though his eye twitched slightly. This also went unnoticed.

"Thanks for your time, Al!" Geoff gestured for him to take a seat with the peanut gallery.

" _Alejandro,_ por favor," Alejandro requested as he took a seat in between Sadie and Eva. "Hello, girls."

Katie and Sadie drooled all over him, and even Eva could not help blushing at his charm and good looks.

"Up next is a super controversial contestant!" Geoff pointed to the monitor as footage of a certain goth girl began playing. "Gwen played the game pretty well for a while, guaranteeing herself safety on her team while being on good terms with Cody and her new BFF Courtney. But after Duncan returned to the competition in London, and the two of them hooked up, it was all over."

"That's right, Geoff," Blaineley interrupted, taking over. "And let's make that _two_ controversial contestants! Duncan and Gwen totally locked lips in the confessional not an hour after Duncan returned into the competition, all behind Courtney's back! That was pretty low!"

"Well, Gwen felt so bad about the whole ordeal that she voted herself out, and Duncan lost the trust of his teammates, especially after treating Tyler like dirt instead of like a teammate," Geoff replied. "He knew he was doomed, and voted for himself out of what may have been guilt as well. Let's give a warm welcome to Gwen and Duncan!"

The audience applauded, but no one appeared at the curtain.

"Duncan and Gwen!" Blaineley tried, as the music cue repeated. Still, neither appeared. She furrowed her brow. "What's going on back there?"

The monitor broadcasted the waiting room backstage, where Duncan consoled a nervous Gwen.

"They just called us," Duncan said. "I'm all for not listening to them and -"

"No, no, we should go," Gwen said. "They're going to be brutal, though. Worse than when all that stuff went down between me and Trent last season."

From the peanut gallery, Trent winced. Harold elbowed him. "Awkward. Gosh."

Gwen sighed, nodding at Duncan, and the two stood up. Geoff signaled the music cue a third time as the two of them entered the stage, holding hands. The audience was sharply divided, some cheering, some booing. Duncan growled at the crowd as he and Gwen took their seats across from Geoff and Blaineley.

"What's goin' on, guys?!" Geoff asked, genuinely excited to see his friends again after so long. "It's been forever! Duncan, bro, you and me haven't had time to hang since, like, the island!"

"It has been a while," Duncan agreed, giving the surfer dude a fist bump. "How you been, bro?"

"I've been doin' well, how about you?"

"Well, unfortunately, that's all the time we have for bro talk, because it's time to get to the stuff the viewers _really_ want to know," Blaineley interrupted the light banter. "Gwen, Duncan, you guys are _holding hands._ Isn't that a little _bold?"_

"We'll do whatever we want," Duncan replied, nonchalantly.

"But how do _you_ feel about all these eyes on you, Gwen?" Blaineley interrogated.

"Dude, chill," Geoff advised.

"Please, Geoff, you were just as ruthless last season," the cohost hushed, earning herself a few "ooooooo"s from the audience.

Duncan looked at Gwen, who shrugged. "Look, I like Duncan. Duncan likes me. Everything that happened on the plane sucked, but I voted myself off to get away from it, and to let Courtney enjoy herself. There's no sense worrying about it anymore."

"Good answer!" Geoff nodded.

"I disagree," Blaineley said. "Courtney, huh? Now that's a bag of worms we can really dive into."

"But we don't have time!" Geoff interrupted. "Instead, let's enjoy some world-famous 'That's Gonna Leave a Mark!'"

Blaineley rolled her eyes, though both Gwen and Duncan looked relieved that they would not have to talk about Courtney. The monitor blared to life.

 **==CLIP==**

 **Duncan hobbled through the maze in Greece, trying to find the exit to join the rest of his team. As he turned one way, he tripped on the leg of a statue, but fell onto a brown furry mattress. As it turned out, this mattress was the boar bear, which growled at Duncan threateningly. Duncan swallowed a lump in his throat.**

 **==CLIP==**

 **As Noah, Tyler, and Duncan crept behind Owen through the minefield, the big guy being blasted with all sorts of weaponry that did not phase him, Tyler briefly lost his footing by tripping on a rock. Fortunately, he did not fall. Unfortunately, this rock housed an angry tarantula, which crept up his tracksuit leg. Tyler began howling as the hairy spider crawled all over his body, while Noah and Duncan simply stared at him in confusion.**

 **==CLIP==**

 **Heather's emu walked along at a steady pace. Heather slapped its rear a few times to speed it up, which the emu did not take to its liking. It briefly threw her off of its back, where she landed in front of an angry-looking kangaroo. One powerful kick from this kangaroo sent Heather right back to the emu, her face a little more bruised than earlier.**

 **==CLIP==**

 **Owen whistled as he walked out of the confessional bathroom, green stink clouds seeping underneath the door. A very angry Courtney stormed past Owen and into the confessional, though once she got one whiff of the horrendous odor, she bagan gagging, finally passing out and falling out of the confessional onto the hallway floor. Ezekiel cautiously stepped over her unconscious body, but then tripped over his own shoelaces.**

Gwen and Duncan were now seated with the rest of the peanut gallery, as they all laughed along to the various missteps the contestants had taken. Everyone looked happy except for Blaineley.

"Now that we've all had our laughs, I think it's more important to get back to the drama," Blaineley smiled. "And our final guest has got plenty of drama to spare."

The TV monitor broadcasted the exploits of a certain lady-loving geek. "Cody's time on 'Total Drama World Tour' was certainly interesting to say the least. The dude got a taste of his own medicine when he got some unwanted attention from a super crazy fangirl, who treated him like both a child and a lover." Geoff shuddered at the implications of this.

"Once the love of his life Gwen was eliminated, though, Cody refused to back down from what he saw as pressure from Courtney to bully his team into submission, and though standing up to her gained him Heather's vote, Courtney was able to threaten Ezekiel and win a tiebreaker, keeping her place in the game," Blaineley finished. "Let's give a warm welcome to Cody!"

The audience loudly applauded as two interns dragged Cody out onstage. He was partially frozen in a large block of ice, and only his head was unfrozen. He smiled weakly at the rest of the peanut gallery.

"Looks like the dude's _really_ gonna need a _warm welcome,"_ Geoff joked. "Cody, my man, may I ask what happened to you?"

"Well, uh, it's a funny story," Cody replied, as the tired-looking interns took out blow dryers to attempt to unfreeze him. "I didn't have a parachute after I was bucked out of the plane by that elk, but luckily the icy seawater broke my fall! Unfortunately, treading in the freezing water for hours gave me hypothermia and froze me solid, heh."

"Well, at least your head is okay, dude," Geoff smiled.

"Yeah, because now you can spill all the _drama!"_ Blaineley agreed. Geoff rolled his eyes. "Cody, what made you turn against Courtney?"

"Courtney targeted Gwen and Duncan," Cody explained. "I couldn't take abuse to Gwen lying down. And Duncan could have been a potential ally!"

"That would have been pretty interesting," Duncan agreed.

"And how did you feel about Sierra's betrayal?" Blaineley asked. "You were depending on her vote, and she voted for _Ezekiel!"_

"That annoyed me," Cody agreed. "I mean, this girl is obsessed to me, to the point where I'm pretty sure most of my stuff is actually still on the plane because she hoards my belongings. And yet, when I actually need her to be by my side, she refuses! All I ask for is a little consistency!"

The audience seemed satisfied with this answer, and clapped accordingly.

"Cody, I need to know," Blaineley smiled deviously, alerting Geoff that she was going to ask something controversial. "Your love, Gwen, is dating your so-called 'potential ally,' Duncan. What was the long-term plan here?"

Cody thought this over. "Um, well -"

"I guess he'd cross that bridge when he got to it!" Geoff shoved Blaineley aside. "Thanks, Cody! You can have a seat with the peanut gallery."

Cody looked down at his frozen body and quickly realized that that would be impossible. The interns simply pushed him over to the peanut gallery.

"Ooo, I wonder what Swedish ice tastes like?" Izzy asked, licking the ice block containing Cody. As she tried to pull away, her tongue refused to go with her. "Uh-oh! It tastes like normal ice! Hey, guys, look! I'm Bridgette!"

Geoff shot Izzy a glare, but his anger was short-lived as he received a message from his earpiece. "We've got an incoming signal from Siberia! I hope my girl is okay!"

Blaineley rolled her eyes as an the video feed appeared on the monitor. It showed Bridgette, looking slightly afraid but mostly peeved off. "Hi, Geoff! Hi, peanut gallery!"

Geoff and the peanut gallery waved up at the monitor.

"What, no greeting for me?" Blaineley asked.

"Listen, Geoff, Blaineley's number one fan is not happy that she's not here," Bridgette continued, ignoring her. "They want to hear a song about Blaineley."

"A song about me?" Blaineley gasped in pleasant surprise.

"Y-Yeah," Bridgette confirmed. "And do it f-fast, it's freezing and her fan is getting impatient."

Geoff glared at Blaineley, then back up at the monitor. Suddenly, a mischievous smile appeared on his face. "Oh, Blaineley wants a song? I've got a song." He looked to the peanut gallery. "Drama Brothers, get up here!"

Harold, Justin, and Trent stood up, and Cody, his arms now partially melted out, was pushed over to an accordion by DJ. The four of them began to play a very Russian-sounding tune, as Geoff prepared to sing.

"Here's an open letter to a treasure of a girl," Geoff winked at Blaineley.

"That's me!" Blaineley beamed.

"Whose behavior on the show always makes me hurl," Geoff finished.

"What?"

"She's a nasty, fake-blonde schemer who calls herself your host!" Geoff pointed at the camera, walking over to a small army of hair stylists and manicurists. "Without the help of her entourage, her job would be toast! Hey!"

"Hey!" Blaineley cheered along with Geoff and her entourage, before the realization of what her fellow host had said seeped in. "Hey!"

"She'll tell you that she loves your shirt when it's something she can't stand," Geoff reported to DJ, who looked down at his shirt self-consciously. "She's just so full of _you-know-what,_ she has to double-flush the can!"

"I eat a lot of fiber!" Blaineley shrugged.

"She bought two pairs of the same jeans - one size four, and one size eight - so when she wears the bigger ones you'll ask if she's lost weight!" Geoff revealed.

"Hey!" the Drama Brothers chimed in.

"She's not the gal you think she is, so let me tell you plainly," Geoff danced mockingly around Blaineley. "There's thick black hair between her toes, and her real name isn't Blaineley! She's a phony, scheming weasel-nose and her real name isn't Blaineley! She steals, and lies, and she's evil, bros, and her real name isn't _Blaineley! It's Mildred!"_

"Hey!" the Drama Brothers finished, as the audience applauded. The stream from Siberia turned off for the time being.

"Stop clapping!" Blaineley commanded in vain. The peanut gallery was laughing as well, even the cold, calculating Alejandro, watching Blaineley get her comeuppance.

Eventually, the applause died down, and the show proceeded as normal, albeit with even more tension between Geoff and Blaineley.

"Alright, so, Cody, Duncan, Gwen, and Alejandro, who are you guys rooting for now that you've gotten eliminated?" Geoff inquired.

"Gotta go with my boy Owen," Duncan said.

"Owen _is_ probably the best person in the competition right now," Gwen agreed. "Though I do have a soft spot for Noah. Gotta love that dude's sense of humor. One of those two, for sure."

"I hope Heather wins," Cody said, eliciting some gasps of shock. "She's the only person who voted with me!"

"I cannot help but agree with my frozen friend," Alejandro nodded. "Heather is worthy of the million dollars."

"Alright, interesting, interesting," Geoff nodded.

"But not interesting enough," Blaineley said. "Let's move on to the 'Aftermath Aftermayhem' part of the show!" The audience cheered in excitement and anticipation, as Blaineley continued. "We're going to give you each a -"

"Uh, _I_ was going to be the one to explain 'Aftermath Aftermayhem,'" Geoff interrupted.

"Well, too bad, _I'm_ doing it," Blaineley interrupted. "You already sang that heinous song, I think it's time _I_ did something."

"Heinous song that was totally true," Geoff muttered.

"What was that?"

"The song was true."

Blaineley stood up in fury. "It was not!"

"I literally cross-referenced everyone who has ever worked for you, bro," Geoff shrugged. "I did my research."

"Well, you must have fudged up somewhere!"

Now Geoff stood up, a confident smirk on his face. "Oh, really? Why don't we put it to the test with a game of _Truth or Electrocution?!"_

A dramatic camera fell onto an electric chair. Blaineley swallowed a lump in her throat, before glaring at Geoff. "Okay, so what if … _some_ of it was true?"

"That's what I thought," Geoff grinned, as Blaineley sat down in defeat. "Now, 'Aftermath Aftermayhem!' Get ready for some serious stakes, Peanut Gallery!"

"Ohhhh, no. We're off of that stupid show now, you can't make us do anything with 'serious stakes,'" Gwen said angrily. Duncan and Leshawna nodded.

"Don't worry, guys, it's not anything hospitalizing," Geoff insisted, as an intern wheeled over a cart filled with tin cans. "Inside five of these tin cans are golden Chris heads. If you get one, you get a chance to - wait for it - _rejoin the competition!"_

The Peanut Gallery and the audience gasped in shock. Finally, Izzy jumped up. "IZZY WANTS ONE OF THOSE CANS!"

The reaction amongst the rest of the group was the same, as the Peanut Gallery stampeded Geoff, Blaineley, and the poor intern in order to grab a tin can.

Harold opened his can up, to find it empty. "What does the empty can mean?"

"It means you get squat, and won't be going anywhere," Geoff informed. "Sorry, dude."

"Ugh. _Gosh,"_ Harold took a seat, annoyed. Leshawna and DJ joined him shortly after, finding nothing in their tin cans.

Izzy pried hers open like an animal, and was soon greeted by a golden Chris head jumping out like a jack in the box. "I did it! I did it!" She looked around wildly. "See? See? I did it!"

Alejandro leaned in, taking note and seemingly studying the can. "Why, yes, Izzy, you certainly have done it."

Cody frustratedly tried to grab the last tin can in the cart, finding difficulty to reach over his frozen body. "Ugh! Come on!"

"I've got you, dude," Trent handed Cody the tin can.

"Thanks, man," Cody smiled, prying it open to reveal a golden Chris head. "Whoa! Awesome!"

"Nice, man," Trent noted, opening his own to also be greeted by a Chris head.

Duncan pried his open to find nothing, sighing with relief. Gwen opened hers and was nearly punched in the face by the golden Chris head. She grew a look of dread on her face. "Does anyone want mine?"

"That's not how we're playing this, Gwen," Blaineley stopped her act of charity. "You have to play to reenter, whether you want to or not."

The goth girl sighed and sat down again, as multiple other contestants opened their tin cans to find nothing - including Lindsay, Beth, Justin, Katie, and Sadie.

Eva walked over to Alejandro, preparing to open her tin can. Alejandro squinted at her tin can, before clearing his throat. "Excuse me, Eva, is it?"

"Huh?" Eva looked up, into Alejandro's soulful eyes. "Ohhh … Alejandro …"

"My brother Carlos is in the audience right now, senorita, and you were his favorite contestant," Alejandro lied. "I was wondering if you could give him a wave? It would mean a lot to me."

"O-Of course," Eva's usually snarky, bitter demeanor melted away as she smiled perikly at the audience. "Hi Carlos! Y-You've got a very amazing brother!"

As Eva looked out at the crowd, Alejandro quickly switched tin cans with Eva, having noticed that Eva's had had a very, very small golden sticker on the side that he had first noticed on Izzy's. Eva looked back at the true schemer, who smiled. "Thanks so much, Eva. I'm sure he is _muy gracioso."_

"Oh, well, bueno," Eva attempted to flirt, giggling like a schoolgirl. The rest of the Peanut Gallery stared at her like she had three heads.

Finally, Eva shook herself out of her stupor and opened her tin can, finding it empty. Alejandro opened his, and a golden Chris head popped out. "Que?!" he feigned shock.

"And Alejandro snags a chance to rejoin!" Blaineley noted. "Those of you with the golden Chris heads, hand them to me and walk over to the Total Drama Second Chance Challenge!"

A human-sized board game opened up from underneath the stage. Izzy sprinted over to it like a wild dog, followed by Trent, who pushed the partially frozen Cody, and a confident Alejandro. Gwen made up the rear, dreading the chance at rejoining. She looked up and made awkward eye contact with Trent for a few seconds, before both looked away.

"You lucky five have the chance to rejoin the game, through the Total Drama Second Chance Challenge!" Blaineley introduced. The large board had five rows of multiple squares, with either a flag or a face on each one.

"Each space has the flag of a country visited on the show, or the face of one of the final seven contestants - Courtney, Ezekiel, Heather, Sierra, Owen, Noah, and Tyler," Blaineley said.

"You'll roll a die, land on a space, and have to do that challenge!" Geoff explained. "But some of them are brutal, just a warning!"

"And not all of them may be what they seem," Blaineley warmed.

"Care to elaborate on that?" Trent asked.

"No, I don't!" Blaineley replied, smiling. "Now, let's get started! Izzy, you were the first to find your Golden Chris, so you can roll first!"

Izzy squealed with excitement as she tossed a giant die at Geoff, barely missing his head. The die landed on a six.

"Six is Izzy's _lucky number!"_ Izzy cheered as she jumped ahead six spaces and landed on the Owen square.

"Oof, that's awkward!" Geoff giggled. "Your ex!"

"Hey!" Izzy turned defensive. "You don't see _me_ joking about Alejandro and Bridgette like that!"

"Uh, yes, actually, you literally -"

"Time for your challenge," Blaineley interrupted Geoff, as Alejandro awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. "Eat two Jamaican chili peppers and drink milk, and then watch hilarious clips from the show! If milk comes out of your nose, you lose!"

Izzy eagerly chomped down on the chili peppers and guzzled the milk, before turning her attention to the monitor. Clips began playing of Owen sleepwalking, Noah dancing to a classical ballet in the confessional, Duncan picking his nose in his sleep, Tyler tripping multiple times in various settings, and Alejandro gagging at Owen's farts. Izzy remained steadfast.

"Nothing?" Geoff asked, bewildered that the milk and peppers remained in Izzy's mouth. Izzy shook her head as the timer went off, signaling that the passed the challenge.

Izzy swallowed, and explained. "I'm a Team Chris loyalist _til the day I die! I WILL NOT MOCK MY FELLOW SOLDIERS!"_

"Well, then, I guess Cody is up next!" Blaineley shoved the large die over to him. Cody tried in vain to reach the die, but could not due to the frozen state of most of his torso.

"Uh, I'll roll for him," Duncan offered, standing up and giving the die a roll.

"Thanks, man," Cody said, smiling as Duncan pushed him three spaces to the Greece space. The flag gave out underneath him, and Cody was sent plummeting into a trapdoor. Duncan awkwardly returned to his space.

"Ooo, looks like Cody's landed on a boobytrap space," Geoff winced, looking into the hole. "Tough break, dude. You're out."

"It's okay, my icy fortifications broke my fall," Cody groaned from the hole.

Trent nervously took the die and gave it a roll, constantly looking in fear at that looming trapdoor. After stepping forward a few spaces, he found himself on the Ezekiel square.

"It's time for the Ezekiel challenge!" Blaineley clapped her hands excitedly. "Trent, if you'll please step to the side here!"

The interns wheeled out a large scale model of a jet plane's wing. Trent raised an eyebrow as he approached it.

"Ezekiel has got _mad_ survival skills - in fact, grabbing onto the plane after his elimination is what saved him, and gave him the opportunity to try again!" Geoff said. "So your challenge will be to hang onto this wing for ten seconds, as we blast you with super high-speed winds!"

"Uhhh -"

"Alright, get on there!" Blaineley encouraged, interrupting and rushing the concerned Trent. The guitarist grabbed the wing of the plane, and wind immediately came rushing into his face. He struggled to even open his eyes as the wind pushed back his face. Finally, he went flying offstage, loudly crashing into some boxes. Geoff and the peanut gallery winced, while Blaineley hungrily eyed the monitor. "Ooo, tough break, Geoff! Only six seconds! You're out of the Second Chance Challenge!"

"F-Fine by me," Trent limped his way back to his seat, clutching his newly-formed black eye.

"Gwen, you're up next!" Geoff smiled at the depressed-looking goth girl. She rolled the die and walked forward onto the Heather space.

"You must recite a haiku about Heather's positive qualities," Blaineley reported. "And you must do it within the next ten seconds. Go!"

"Perfect, now's my chance to get out," Gwen sighed. "Heather is the _worst!_ I don't see how she's still in. She's like … a cockroach!"

"Nice haiku!" Blaineley complimented.

Gwen paled. "What? I wasn't trying to do a haiku!"

"Well then, I guess you did it involuntarily!"

"B-But, hold on, I had to do one on her _positive_ attributes," Gwen smiled smugly. "I guess that means I'm out!"

"You talked about her survivalist nature, that sounds pretty positive to me," Blaineley replied. "You're still in it to win it!"

Gwen groaned. Alejandro put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "If it means anything, mi chica, _I_ hope you get out."

"Wow, thanks," Gwen deadpanned.

Alejandro rolled the die, making his way to the Area 51 square.

"Alejandro, dude, you have to stay on this square while avoiding getting zapped by lasers for twenty seconds," Geoff explained. "If you get zapped … well, let's just say it won't be pretty."

Two of the same alien species from Area 51 floated down curiously, watching Alejandro's every move carefully.

"Is that all?" Alejandro shot a beaming smile, melting the hearts of many of the girls in the Peanut Gallery, as he began dodging the lasers. This turned into something of a dance, him perfectly outmaneuvering every single laser blast and doing so in a very rhythmic way. Even the aliens looked enamored.

"Aaaaand _time!"_ Blaineley counted down. "You lasted the twenty seconds, Alejandro, which means you progress!"

"Bueno!" Alejandro bowed proudly.

"GIVE IZZY THE DIE!" Izzy cried impatiently. Geoff hurried the die over to her, and she threw it full speed at an intern. The intern went down, and the die revealed that Izzy had "rolled" a two. Izzy squealed with joy as she stepped forward, landing on Courtney's square.

"Your Courtney challenge will relate to something that Courtney recently did to escape elimination, and that's to ride on the back of an elk for ten seconds," Blaineley explained. An impatient elk was dragged out, and Izzy immediately jumped on it, cheering, hooting, and hollering. The elk seemed to realize the danger it was in, and ran around frantically, trying its best to buck Izzy off - to no avail. The timer ticked down until ten seconds were up.

"Great job, Izzy! You're still in it to win it!" Geoff smiled. His smile disappeared after a few more seconds. "Uh, you can get off of the elk now, dude."

"A FEW MORE MINUTES!" Izzy pleaded as the elk ran around the studio. The Peanut Gallery dove for cover, and Alejandro and Gwen leapt out of the way.

"Uhhh, interns?" Geoff called. He then looked back at the camera, smiling. "Let's continue, shall we? Gwen, I believe you're up?"

"Unfortunately," Gwen sighed, rolling the die. She stepped forward to the Swedish flag. Her fingers were crossed as she walked. "Come on, trapdoor, trapdoor … dang it."

"Your challenge is to balance three of Chef's Swedish meatballs on your nose for at least three seconds," Blaineley explained, stepping out of the way for interns to run by and take care of the elk and Izzy.

"You're kidding," Gwen deadpanned. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, I'm not doing that on camera."

"Well, you sure weren't afraid to do certain other things on camera," Blaineley pointed out. Duncan growled from the audience.

"Whatever," Gwen rolled her eyes, putting the meatballs on her face. They immediately fell off.

"Tough break, Gwen! There goes your chances at reentering the game!" Blaineley said.

" _Good!"_

As Gwen stormed off, Alejandro rolled the die. He stepped forward the allotted amount of spaces.

"Alejandro, it's time for the London challenge!" Blaineley revealed.

"Isn't that funny? That's where you got eliminated!" Geoff pointed out.

"Yes. Very funny," Alejandro smiled forcefully, his eye once again suffering from a twitch.

"The London challenge is to chase down Jack the Ripper, who will be played by one of our interns," Blaineley revealed a female intern in Ezekiel's old costume.

Alejandro smirked. "Sounds good to me."

"You've got thirty seconds, starting now!" Geoff started a stopwatch.

The Ripper took off, and Alejandro gave chase. Geoff and Blaineley tantalizingly watched the stopwatch as Alejandro chased the intern, before stopping. "Mi amiga, I must say, I am quite impressed with your speed."

The intern in the Ripper costume stopped, turning to see Alejandro, his face dripping with sweat, shooting her a flirting gaze. The result was instantaneous; "Jack the Ripper" seemed to practically melt. Alejandro was left with more than enough time to seductively stroll over and wrap an arm around the intern, and the intern did not seem to mind whatsoever.

"Kinda weird way of doing it, but you did it!" Geoff said.

"If that ain't the perfect representation of how that boy played the game …" Leshawna muttered to Lindsay, who predictably failed to understand.

"Alright, Alejandro, it's time to answer the final question," Blaineley took out a notecard. "You have made several enemies during your time in the game …"

Alejandro merely shrugged, and shot the audience a beaming smile.

"... and to make those enemies, you had to use a lot of underhanded tactics," Geoff finished. "To reenter 'Total Drama World Tour,' please list five dirty tricks you used against your fellow contestants."

"And because we _love_ the extra juicy stuff, we want to hear about five people in the room right now!" Blaineley added.

Alejandro's beaming smile wavered. He scratched his chin, attempting to shrug the question off. "Ah, _mi chica,_ I believe the question you have given me is subjective."

"I think we all know that's not true, pal," Geoff smiled back at him.

Alejandro sighed. "So be it."

"Let's get that counter up on the screen!" Blaineley pointed up at the monitor, where five empty boxes appeared onscreen. "You have thirty seconds. Go!"

"More than enough time," Alejandro replied. "Firstly, I convinced Harold to eliminate himself."

"Whaaat?" Harold asked, as his head appeared onscreen in one of the five boxes. "Not cool, man."

"Second, I coerced Bridgette into going in for a kiss, and allowing her to meet a pole instead."

Geoff frowned deeply as Bridgette's head appeared in a second box onscreen. Somewhere in Siberia, Bridgette felt a shiver go up her spine, and it didn't feel like one from the Russian cold.

"Third, I made Leshawna lose her focus throughout the Germany challenge, throwing her off her balance, so to speak."

"HOLD ME BACK, DJ! HOLD ME BACK!" Leshawna once again tried to give Alejandro a piece of her mind, as her head appeared in a third box on the monitor.

"Speaking of, I strategically lied and said that DJ's good luck charm wasn't working, while in earshot of DJ himself," Alejandro shrugged.

DJ looked offended, and seemed to briefly consider letting go of Leshawna, as his head filled up the fourth box on the monitor.

"Five seconds left!" Blaineley counted, as she and Geoff watched the counter.

"And finally, I conned Eva out of her golden Chris head with an elaborate lie about my brother being in the audience," Alejandro finished, just as a buzzer sounded, signaling time was up.

"WAIT, _WHAT?!"_ Eva's previously flushed face turned a beet red with anger, as everyone else in the peanut gallery moved over in their seats. Even Leshawna's anger subsided, replaced with worry, which quickly evolved into an evil smirk.

"Nice going, Alejandro, you pissed off Eva," she laughed.

"Alejandro is safe from all physical acts of violence!" Blaineley announced, as two beefy security guards grabbed Eva by both arms.

"Aw, he is?" Geoff said dejectedly.

"Yes … for now. But who knows what will await him back on that deathtrap of a plane?" Blaineley said.

Alejandro's eyebrow arched. "Do you mean -"

"That's right, Alejandro! You're our lucky winner, and have guaranteed yourself a place back in the game at the expense of the respect of your peers in the peanut gallery."

Alejandro turned to the peanut gallery, who scowled at him. Even Beth, Katie, and Sadie grew expressions of sadness, as they realized their dream hunk had a few skeletons in his closet.

 **===CONFESSIONAL===**

" **Who cares what these has-beens think of me?" Alejandro shrugged. "They're not the ones with the power in the game. And as long as those seven idiots in that plane don't suspect me, I couldn't care less."**

 **His smirk grew. "Alejandro is back, baby. And his substitute schemer will be the first to go."**

As Alejandro was graciously led offstage by some interns, one former contestant was up in arms.

"I WAS _ROBBED! ROBBED,_ I TELL YA!" Izzy shrieked.

" _YOU_ WERE ROBBED?" Eva protested.

"It _should_ be one of y'all walking back to that plane right now," Leshawna agreed.

"But instead, we'll be heading to our super secret finale location!" Geoff segued. He turned to the camera. "That's where we'll be chillin' the next time you see us! Don't go far - the final eight will dwindle down to two before you know it! Thanks for tuning in to 'Total Drama Aftermath Aftermayhem!' We'll see you on the flip side!"


End file.
